{"id":22562,"date":"2025-07-04T06:07:06","date_gmt":"2025-07-04T06:07:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/?p=22562"},"modified":"2026-02-21T00:25:42","modified_gmt":"2026-02-21T00:25:42","slug":"aaideiasbnc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/2025\/07\/04\/aaideiasbnc\/","title":{"rendered":"An ache I dislike encountering, I am standing – but not crying!"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Today, for the first time since I heard the news of Big Steve\u2019s passing, I felt that same deep ache.<\/h3>

\"The reminders pull the floor from your feet\nIn the kitchen, one more chair than you need, oh\nAnd you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair\"<\/h5><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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October 18, 2022, while seriously considering stepping away from my Ironman California journey, a bit of serendipity changed my course. I decided instead to honor Steve\u2019s memory through the race. That decision led to a powerful moment during the 2.4-mile swim in the American River. As I moved through the water, I felt his presence\u2014his voice, his stories about triathlons, his frustrations, and his own struggles with swimming echoed in my mind.<\/span><\/p>

Years ago, my dad captured a few photos of Big Steve at Folsom Lake. He had completed the swim but crashed on the bike, never quite able to finish a full triathlon. What stands out most in my memory is how, for once, he seemed to fit in. Among the other athletes, he didn\u2019t stand out as a giant\u2014he just belonged. I imagine that, in that moment, he felt at home. And then, he crashed.<\/span><\/p>

There were things Steve did that I couldn\u2019t and I still can’t. And in some ways, I think he lived out the things he couldn\u2019t do\u2014like completing a triathlon\u2014through me and through others. Despite his struggles and his internal demons, he had a well of empathy as vast as his physical presence. That empathy gave him a kind of courage\u2014one that allowed him to act when others might have been too afraid or frozen.<\/span><\/p>

I know he wasn\u2019t perfect. But he had the rare ability to truly care. And that mattered.<\/span>
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Today – systems that prey on value capture and gamification are using simplified metrics (like likes, scores, or follower counts – algorithms) and they have pervasively disrupted autonomy, free will and individual agency – too many values have been outsourced to external systems. \u0003<\/span><\/p>

Winter is coming.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>

It is my hope that we can individually and collectively lean into kindness and validation first, letting and allowing for cruelty to be delivered thru natural and not human driven consequence or preference (aka ego)!<\/span><\/p>

For now, that ache persists, and like Viktor Frankl I labor — \u201cIt is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future.\u201d He warned (Viktor F) that \u201cthe sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect\u201d and that \u201cthe prisoner who had lost faith in the future\u2014his future\u2014was doomed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

So I narrow my focus to my nuclear family\u2014the ones who anchor me. I understand what hope feels like\u2014and I hold onto those fleeting moments, like when I swam in the American River\u2013 Big Steve \u2013\u00a0 Indeed I miss how and when, like Chester B from Linkin\u2019 Park once sang \u201cWe saw brilliance when the world was asleep\u201d.<\/span><\/p>

https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/2025\/01\/28\/zentriathlete-blog\/checkins\/2025-check-ins\/introspective-reflections-of-mine\/<\/a> – resharing as I feel this aligns with today’s aches!<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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\"Rather than endlessly debating which worldview is superior, consider drawing wisdom from multiple traditions. Use these insights to shape your own philosophy and personal practice\u2014then let your actions show that collaboration and diversity of thought are more powerful than any single perspective.\"\n<\/div>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
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Me<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
HitH - Co-Founder<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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My own adaptation of a quote from Ryan Holiday!<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, for the first time since I heard the news of Big Steve\u2019s passing, I felt that same deep ache. “The reminders pull the floor from your feet In the kitchen, one more chair than you need, oh And you’re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22558,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"nf_dc_page":"","_eb_attr":"","pagelayer_contact_templates":[],"_pagelayer_content":"","rs_blank_template":"","rs_page_bg_color":"","slide_template_v7":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[674,817],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2025-check-ins","category-prnci"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22562"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22562\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24164,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22562\/revisions\/24164"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22558"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyinthehills.com\/zentriathlete\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}