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A bridge, a walk, the kids, and a lot of water.\u00a0 It all begins with a single drop!<\/p>\n\n
A bridge, a walk, the kids, and a lot of water.\u00a0 It all begins with a single drop!<\/p>\n
Sometimes, it is a tad bit overwhelming of where to begin.\u00a0 Whether it is a blog post or a training plan or a work project etc.\u00a0 Often, I have to remind myself, just start where you are at.\u00a0 Then follow it with the Elsa wisdom of \u2018Just do the next right thing!\u2019.\u00a0 \u00a0Even longest journey begins with the first step.\u00a0 And so it goes, where to start?<\/p>\n
I am reminded over and over again that this blog is for me.\u00a0 I went back through the other day with some internal code fixes for some of the features that have been bothering me.\u00a0 This template is 100 percent copyright free and as such attribution is limited to just me.\u00a0 How nice is that?\u00a0 With that tho, there aren\u2019t any code fixes, so once I am annoyed I go back and find it and correct things.\u00a0 I am currently trying to resolve the break in the labels I use grouping together correctly.\u00a0 I can alter the URL and get the results, but the built in functions are a little fragile and not functioning correctly across all labels.<\/p>\n
To that end, it\u2019s similar to the growth mindset.\u00a0 I find a lot of the time I have created a large capacity to tolerate a lot of \u2018needless noise\u2018.\u00a0 For me one of the measurements for me is just how agitated I get from the noise I come across in Social Media platforms.\u00a0 I am good at tuning a lot of it out.\u00a0 I have become good at doing the same at training plans with triathlon or being a husband\/father in my nuclear family.<\/p>\n
At times tho, there are critical check-in moments that come forward.\u00a0 Am I available?\u00a0 Am I present?\u00a0 Am I listening?\u00a0 Do I notice?\u00a0 Do I care?\u00a0 The most difficult thing for me in the growth-mindset process is distinguishing between:<\/p>\n
So I will try to address some thoughts each of the points above.\u00a0 Mostly this is an exercise to try and contextualize the concept.\u00a0 I am trying to slow down and not go through things in half thoughts and truly think it through from end-to-end.\u00a0 \u00a0I also use this space as a method of professional development to make sure that my writing skills stay on point and I can continually and aptly write.<\/p>\n
This takes a lot of attention. It can create a lot of unanticipated fatigue and levels of stress.\u00a0 It means being available and present in the moment.\u00a0 It means being aware that not all noise is worthy of my attention, and that focus, discipline and diligence are necessary allies, required to parse through it all.\u00a0 The biggest thing I think I am re-calibrating and understanding is that there is a lot of \u2018fluffy\u2019 noise.\u00a0 I observe plenty chasing their own \u201cFOMO\u201d (Fear of Missing Out).\u00a0 Another simple way to speak to that is, chasing someone else\u2019s dream.\u00a0 Sure, I can be persuaded to lose sight of my nuclear family\u2019s needs and my own, but when I stay sharp and keep my filter clean and sharp, I don\u2019t slip into that space where I become overwhelmed or chasing each byte that comes my way.\u00a0 It\u2019s like food, sure at times there are some real treats that come along, but just because it has a ton of sugar to enhance crappy \u2018filler\u2019 stuff, I may just need to let it go down the line to someone else.\u00a0 I remember being in Strasbourg for a work assignment just before I got back into activity.\u00a0 There was a restaurant that is no longer open \u2013 sad, but it was a Japanese fusion restaurant mainly Sushi.\u00a0 I have a crustaceans sensitivity and allergy (in fact I am careful with all sea food).\u00a0 My colleagues would just take one or two of all the offerings and I had to carefully filter each \u2018take\u2019 as I waited for chicken only (teriyaki) or vegetables.\u00a0 The restaurateurs noticed how selective I was being and each time I showed up \u2013 I think we went around a dozen times, they would assure that the carousel line had options for me.\u00a0 OF note, they also had the coolest bathroom.\u00a0 Mooze, I\u2019ll miss you and further, who knew you were teaching me about Filtering Noise With Purpose.\u00a0 \u00a0Hindsight is 2020, they say.<\/p>\n
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the sushi carousel![](\"http:\/\/shanelivingston.files.wordpress.com\/2020\/04\/4fd17-21c560_743f300177ce4259b8c9a2d13d2af628mv2.jpg\")
Resto \u2013 Mooze \u2013 no longer open \u2013 Strasbourg France.<\/p>\n
Look, there is no way to control all the noise unless I become a complete socio\/psycho path and revert to the following:<\/p>\n
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From the BBC Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch \u2013 and Yes I have this thought often \u2013 its my curse<\/p>\n
So, instead of unleashing my thoughts and completely being disrespectful and not caring about anything in it\u2019s blast zone, I choose to filter things.\u00a0 I try to follow reason-ability and apply the following Bruce Lee concepts:<\/p>\n
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I first caught notion of this thought from the documentary \u2013 Game Changers \u2013 some good in it, some quite discard-able<\/p>\n
One of the difficulties in all of this is not being egotistical, self-centered, self-righteous and a real douche-bag.\u00a0 My wife can sure tell you I have been those things, and I will emphasize that int he \u2018Becoming numb\u2019 section below.\u00a0 So to that end, I once heard something along the line from a Bhuddist notion \u2013\u00a0Notice what takes your attention, acknowledge it, and then let it go.\u00a0 There will be times when certain internal or external conversations appear.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean I have to engage in what I perceive to be noise or a distraction, but I MUST acknowledge it, classify it as unnecessary to me, and then let it go!\u00a0 It\u2019s in the acknowledgement where reason is applied.\u00a0 In that application, the ability to confront it, then acknowledge and discard, or classify it as necessary and deal with it.\u00a0 I find for me that I do alright with more then just hyper-focusing in the present, but I have to maintain healthy limiters on multi-tasking.\u00a0 Once overloaded, like the best out there, I just unravel and become a cranky cuss.\u00a0 So for me, I bring my life experience to the table, BUT I have to be humble enough to know that my point of view is only what I know.\u00a0 The difficulty is also to not be over inundated with too much information.\u00a0 It\u2019s a slippery slope that is bombarded with half-truths and too many opinions where reason and evidence is often lost.\u00a0 So, like above, I then am able to absorb what is useful.\u00a0 The challenge with absorption, is that my brain has a saturation limit.\u00a0 That is why I decided to have a blog like this \u2013 mainly for me and for those wanderlust types that happen across it.<\/p>\n
Hopefully, I am able to check in as necessary for a rear-view mirror check in, a \u2018backstop as explained by Mr. David Goggins.\u00a0 The reject what is useless is the one that requires apt skill.\u00a0 \u00a0I have been mindfully addressing since about 2013 and it is consistently maturing.\u00a0 I have good days and others not so good.\u00a0 Sometimes the filter is off, see the Sherlock Holmes quote above!\u00a0 What I am finding though, as folks often highlight to me, they don\u2019t really much care about what I care about.\u00a0 You know that triathlon, or family, or hobby I really care about \u2014 mmmmhmmm, I care a lot more about it then anyone else.\u00a0 I just need to remember that and keep things in proper context.\u00a0 So, defining what is \u2018useless\u2019 is often subjective and personal.\u00a0 It often turns into an opinion, and everyone has one like a bellybutton or a bum-hole!<\/p>\n
So, the challenge is applying the principles in a way that I let my gratitude, hope, tolerance, love and kindness stay in the forefront.\u00a0 When I make a mistake, I hope to quickly identify and acknowledge it, then try to make reparations as possible, let it go and carry on.\u00a0 In so doing, it is my sincere that the noise in front of me, is no longer just noise but has been filtered into something that I need to deal with and it leads me to the next point!<\/p>\n
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Keeping a fair and reasonable outlook on the noise that matters is an exercise in patience, discipline, diligence and determination.\u00a0 I am only accountable to me in this process.\u00a0 If I want to pair this with the 4 Agreements, this is where dedication and diligence really are tested, not to mention integrity to self and others is defined.<\/p>\n
The thing I find the most difficult is simply doing my best especially as it pertains to things I can or cannot control.\u00a0 \u00a0I cannot control all environmental factors (and it is FUTILE to try) \u2013 sure I can help shape or constrain them based on careful examination and preparation, but other times I am merely reacting to a situation as it occurs \u2013 a few stories for context.<\/p>\n
EXAMPLE STORY 1<\/p>\n
Flashback to 2015 I think it was, no 2016.\u00a0 It was our second go of the 70.3 IM in St. George.\u00a0 Click here for race reflections!!!<\/a><\/p>\n During the drive back home, we were heading on home as one normally would.\u00a0 Just before getting to Beaver, the heavens opened \u2013 it was an outright EPIC deluge.\u00a0 Went from completely dry to about 2 inches of water hitting the road.\u00a0 I still recall, a quick sense of slow down \u2013 there were a few cars heading northbound but I would say a good 500 or so ft between me and the the cars before\/after me.\u00a0 That\u2019s when all of a sudden, we broke loose \u2013 Liz was pregnant with juniper at this time, and she would later join us July 3rd \u2013 so it was 2015, my first 70.3 in St. George.\u00a0 Ok back to story.\u00a0 In a flash, I felt the back tires in our AWD Dodge Journey 2012 break loose.\u00a0 The next 15 \u2013 30 seconds was in SLOW MOTION for sure.\u00a0 I went from rumble strip to rumble strip 3 times if I recal correctly.\u00a0 Each time I treated it like fish tailing in the winter.\u00a0 In each serpentine and fishtail I racked the driving wheel with my hands firmly but with a very loose and fluid feeling like I had learned years ago doing driving experiences in the snow at the Boreal Parking lot and many times since after each snow fall.\u00a0 Not only is it fun, but in this instance, this feeling was familiar even tho, with albeit a small intuition to be ready, I was ready to just respond as positively as possible in the situation.\u00a0 Long story short, I was able to gain control and we nervously rolled into the gas station at Beaver, where I took a quick walk \u2013 after the 70.3 on Saturday I was destroyed as I under nay disrespected what was required to complete that event.\u00a0 In fact I earned a DNF that day although I finished the course \u2013 I was over time int he swim and the overall event, tho not by much.<\/p>\n So in the above scenario \u2013 I was prepared by taking advantage of each snowfall and generally going out and getting a feel of the car in a slide and fishtail scenario.\u00a0 Heck, the training is fun too, but the repetition made for a familiar scenario when it ACTUALLY happened when I wasn\u2019t anticipating or expecting it.\u00a0 That practice allowed me to go parasympathetic and just react in a way that I had comfort and control (albeit very limited \u2013 but the control I did have was mental) and my physical reactions were precise and gratefully accurate!<\/p>\n EXAMPLE STORY 2<\/p>\n During my 2016 70.3 IM St George \u2013 I made a vast improvement in the swim and was looking forward to a great day.\u00a0 I was prompted by weather alerts and more the evening before to pack for contentious and unexpected weather conditions.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know it was raining during the swim.\u00a0 So, when I got to T1 in my mind \u2013 it wasn\u2019t raining at this point \u2013 that all would be well.\u00a0 When I started to pull out ready to go, I looked at the weather on the horizon.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to , but I stopped and put on a jersey and a jacket over my tri kit.\u00a0 Well the next 56 miles was absolutely brutal, I had Maytag downpours 3 times.\u00a0 I saw 3 people in wet-suits on the bike.\u00a0 What\u2019s the reason for the story, isn\u2019t the weather, but as I was pushing up the parkway getting ready to head over to Snow canyon, my chain derailed.\u00a0 Not sure why, I jumped off, and remedied things \u2013 so I thought.\u00a0 i was having mechanical issues the rest of the way as I lost my big crank \u2013 sorry I used to wrench but I never geeked out on all the jargon of the bike geek tech world.\u00a0 That cog would never see my chain for the next 27 miles.\u00a0 Whats more I wasn\u2019t able to break 27 mph on down hills etc and stability was rough in those gear ratios and in the storms and winds.<\/p>\n So in the above scenario, I was smart enough to slow down and dress up, but the environment and the unexpected mechanical threw a few MAJOR curve-balls at me that day.\u00a0 Despite that, my overall time was the best I have had on course to date.\u00a0 The blessing in disguise, the rains kept me cool, so while I NEGLECTED my nutrition and calorie intake, my body was cool enough that i was able to not have the added nutritional fumble kill me too.\u00a0 That being said, I still remember the mechanical.\u00a0 I panicked, but it was short lived.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 I had encountered many difficult equations through life in different ways, but at this time, I was also addressing my head-space issues.\u00a0 I had the year before disrespected the whole process, and I studied as much as I was able to overcome that mistake.\u00a0 I respected the process which enabled me to have the head-space to react, adapt and overcome in that specific situation.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t anticipating the noise in either personally cited example above.\u00a0 But I was able to take action as it occurred.\u00a0 I was able to own the space required for me to handle the albeit nerve-racking car situation \u2013 although my wife still thought I was too cool as it happened, but the walk-off is where the gratitude and fatigue from just a few hours before hit me.\u00a0 In the second scenarios I was able to react and catch my panic when I realized I didn\u2019t have all my gearing available.\u00a0 I could have stopped and addressed it, but I made decisions and I didn\u2019t stop.\u00a0 I later learned that by staying in those gear sets, I had a strong ride through Snow Canyon, and didn\u2019t over bike and had a great and solid run.\u00a0 \u00a0 So, the benefit of my actions really allowed me to control me, and reap some pretty cool natural consequences.<\/p>\n Now I understand not all scenarios that present are as striking as the two I shared, some are quite mundane, involve multiple people, but the big take away for me is to be able to have the space to be in control of what I can and recognize that I have actions that I can take (I am not a victim).\u00a0 In the varied scenarios that present, I am therefore in control of what I can be which further shapes the outcomes.\u00a0 I have to be flexible enough to improvise, adapt and overcome \u2014 even if it isn\u2019t perfectly aligned to my \u2018plan\u2019.\u00a0 \u201cUnrealistic expectations are just future resentments!\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes it is just easier to become NUMB.\u00a0 This is more or less what occurred to me during the 9 years of secondary infertility.\u00a0 I was too focused on making sure my wife was making it through this frustrating period\u00a0 of life.\u00a0 I just numbed out my issues.\u00a0 I honestly don\u2019t even recall many of them (feelings) as I was already acknowledging them and discarding them along the way to give space to my wife.\u00a0 Sure, I was and am affected by some of the residue, but many, I know that Liz doesn\u2019t know how I did that.\u00a0 Along the way, i forgot about me and became listless and easy to just kind of with melancholy let it come and go.\u00a0 I was numb.\u00a0 It was like I was on mentally induce Vicadin and Heroin without on a physical depressant.\u00a0 I was travelling to France a lot when it finally smacked me in the face.\u00a0 I had started running a bit at the constant persistence of my loving wife and my first 5k attempt with her was like 1 hour and 38 minutes.\u00a0 Mind you, I was an athlete in High School and moonlighted in club sports at the college level, and was even asked to try out and walk on to the men\u2019s basketball team \u2013 needless to say, the basketball team wasn\u2019t that good (things have changed immensely).<\/p>\n I reflect on some of those things Transformation-Tuesday story \u2013 (Click here!!!)<\/a>.<\/p>\n The difficulty is not falling that far again.\u00a0 Humans tend to return to what we know and mostly what is the least painful and path of least resistance.\u00a0 The last 14-18 months have been a struggle for me in the activity and triathlon space.\u00a0 I had to recenter my focus on family once Liz delivered Astrid, who joined us in Sept of 2018.\u00a0 I had to concentrate efforts on a growing family and that has hurt my activity.\u00a0 Not because it isn\u2019t what is right, it\u2019s that equation has changed.\u00a0 This goes into the guilt complex I struggle with personally and internally \u2013 (Click here for blog post)<\/a>.<\/p>\n However, fast forward to today.\u00a0 I have been addressing this growth-mindset I have engendered in myself since identifying how numb I had become.\u00a0 I was on that slippery slope of retreating back to numb.\u00a0 Honestly, I was not even actively doing this as in my mind I was still doing things.\u00a0 My weight reflects quite differently as I have drifted back to 215-220-ish.\u00a0 Although it is a metric I often don\u2019t concentrate on, it is a fact and it reflects that for me, I am FAT!<\/p>\n So, now I am trying to recenter my focus, re-calibrate what I can and can\u2019t control.\u00a0 I am observing and taking actions.\u00a0 My last two weeks of activity have been cerebral, with purpose and so far going well.\u00a0 I have a reshaped target of September 19 for the Ironman in St George.\u00a0 Given this strangeness passes I will get there.\u00a0 Here are some thoughts from my bike ride the other night.\u00a0 Context, I was listening to David Goggins and some of his story telling prompted me to go back into a very dark space in 2017 \u2013 my 3rd 70.3 IM in St George (Click here to read my reflections)<\/a>.<\/p>\n Went a bit dark. I was taking it easy overall, but, then listening to D. Goggins, I went through a piece of personal difficult dark spaces. When, I went there, it took me to the space where I almost walked off the race course. I took a bathroom break, unexpected at 11 miles and then I refocused and I got to work. I just went a bit deeper and climbed out of it. So there it is, my current head-space.\u00a0 The things I ma thinking through.\u00a0 I really did like my ride that took me to those dark moments.\u00a0 It reminded me of the many blessings and good things that I had and still continue to have and the many more I have discovered since then.\u00a0 It is that opposition of the \u2018dark\u2019 that lets me measure and see the grand blessings in between.\u00a0 That being said, it is a strange time and unprecedented during the uncertainty of affairs associated with COVID-19.<\/p>\n A faith-based thought \u2013<\/p>\n Years ago a dear friend of mine shared this thought.\u00a0 Through a series of serendipitous circumstances we are now both on Team Zoot, but I won\u2019t call this person out directly.<\/p>\n Context \u2013 as I prepared to serve a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I spent 8 weeks in a Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah.\u00a0 During that time we shared different thoughts in a group sharing environment as we were learning language skills and helping us be ready for this 2 year experience.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what was going on behind the scenes but my friend shared this thought and it rings true during these times. I have often thought about this thought in many different difficult and trivial circumstances through life, I am grateful for the share:<\/p>\n![](\"http:\/\/shanelivingston.files.wordpress.com\/2020\/04\/7024b-21c560_281dff4374bc47a88707a21ab4dca1aamv2.jpg\")
<\/p>\nBecoming numb to above and just not listening<\/h3>\n
\nThat was unexpected and deep. Tomorrow will be a\/r days. This cycling block is going well, let\u2019s not disrupt it.\u00a0\u00a0Curious to see the data points. Tale of two rides, but head-space and perceived limits is often like this.
\nI thought about what I thought about after two friends called out at different points that day waking me up from almost walking off that head-space ledge. How grateful I am, when in those moments where I was most alone, a good old friend and an unexpected new friend were my serendipity. Man, triathlon has taught me a lot. And there it is\u2026. Back in the long game\u2026.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n![](\"http:\/\/shanelivingston.files.wordpress.com\/2020\/04\/e0bd7-21c560_23e2ed073f3e485c9bd0873fa80c6736mv2.jpg\")
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