About the above image:
Voiceless dad and his circus. My vocal chords have been besieged and are being held against my will. I’m reduced to whispers. I drink honey/lemon tea, do warm salt water gargle, Listerine gargles and take Tylenol and Advil as required. I sprinkle in Mucinex and Robotussin, too.
This bout of laryngitis has MMA’d my voice and reduced to it a whisper. Going on day 10 of no voice. Liz is enjoying explaining to people that I don’t understand English and that she must talk for me. Dennis tries to order extra shakes and drinks. Astrid is playing dress Dad up. What a wonderful family circus we have. I finally understand that title – family circus!
I’m still trying to understand who’ not me ‘ is. Lol. Happy Sunday. What about Juniper – she can be found doing her make up….
Well, my last post was about being sick. Fast forward to today. Although the overall sickness is manageable, my voice has left the building.
So, when I am sick I am a bit more introspective and have been such. I also am stressed, Liz sees it, my kidlets feel it, and well that is my current weak link. Need to focus on that control.
Triathlon Vector
All activity has been pretty much 0 since Feb 10. That was my last swim. Then I go this flu/laryngitis bug that has just owned me.
Frederick Douglass said that —
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
May Angelou said —
‘Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.’
These two quotes have been trolling my mind while I’ve been ill. I have had no voice for the better part of 12 days now, I feel like I have licorice on my vocal chords. Hoping the phlegm holding the vocal chords hostage will let go so I can get back to normal. The only thing that seems to be helping is salt water gargles, but the real sticky gunk isn’t breaking up. Liz and I are trying to give me space to rest, but with 4 kidlets and two of them being sick off and on and trying to keep up with work and life responsibilities. I had to just put training in the ignore it can for a bit.
I am quite frustrated. Yesterday, at least I was able to get out.
https://www.strava.com/activities/4926219771 – I walked during a team meeting. Overall it felt great. The moment I played Darth Vader I was reminded I was indeed voice impaired. Had to drop to texts and facial and hand expressions.
So I figured a walk the other night and then getting out today is something. I am a bit nervous about my bike fitting on Saturday and may pull the plug and reschedule tomorrow. Just need to be both safe and have some time on the bike so I have the ability to withstand a 2 hour session to get properly fit.
Also, Liz mentioned b/c of a something I can’t say much about n + 1 may become a reality very soon. So if I get a new bike, I want to make sure I fit the correct one.
Work Vector:
It’s been a year since my last trip. More than 10 days of a disrupted voice and 3+ weeks of a respiratory illness and continued laryngitis and swollen vocal cords.
Thinking back to last year, I snuck down to Huntington Beach – I spent a lot of time on these beaches when I was Astrid and Juniper’s age. It’s still surreal the hum of the ocean. Although it had been a minute, it was nice to see the familiar lifeguard stations, recalling memories, of when i was 3-6 years old, of the ocean tide moving me 50 ft or so up/down the beach and feeling like I went to Mars and back, and remembering being knocked over by inches of water and swallowing tasty saltwater and sand – over and over being may-tagged by mini waves.
Reflecting on this year, there were many lessons learned, and too many observations of theater. So, I’ve turned inward to work on me in an effort to make myself available to help my family and friends/strangers. I’ve observed and witnessed how perspectives, perceptions and feelings often alter truth and bend reality far from what it is.
This is why I love the beach and ocean, it isn’t always epic, but it is consistent and True! It represents growth mindset in a lot of ways for me. This past year, I have focused on needful things, concentrating in being still and available for moments and being present. Now, if I can just get out of the ‘stuck moment’ of laryngitis and get my vocal cords free and have my voice fully return, that’d be nice, but I am grateful bc I am getting really good at:
- Does it need to be said?
- Does it need to be said now?
- Does it need to be said by me?
Charles Bukowski rings in my ears:
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
As does Marcus Aurelius:
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.”
I wrote the above on int’l women’s day. To that end, I am grateful to the various women who have shaped me, from my mother, to my sister, my step-mother, aunts and now my wife (Liz Livingston) and little girls. How lucky I am to have their influence and light as I journey through life.
Family and Life Vector
No one is diffing on the how long Dad has been sick. I was full of cabin fever so I stuffed the kiddos in the car and mom a=on Sunday and we drove up to Bear Lake. It was a nice long simple drive up to Garden City. We drove over to the south lot on the lake where there is a strip of access and just took in the views. Juniper and Astrid wanted to touch the water, and they did! It’s sooooo cold dad! The good thing is there wasn’t fighting, the kids mostly enjoyed the opportunity to get out and away and then out near the lake. It was nice and then the wind picked up and the ‘chills’ won. Lucas joined the blow out in the car club and had to ride home without clothes on. Each of our kids have been that kid.
When Liz and I chose to move into this home 3 years ago, one of the things we wanted to do was open up the deck and add steps. Well after 3 long years we finally began that project. We still need to add rails, but here’s some photos of the change.
Getting the under the steps part level was a bit of a chore and then making sure its all level wasn’t too horrible. I still need to put the water protecting stain on it, but 2 days later it snowed like 4 inches. Zoe the dog keeps jumping over it to go down and she is finally starting to accept it as a way to go up and down to the inside. We knew what we wanted mostly and once we were ready we just go after the project. It took the better part of half a day. the problem for us is we tend to start projects soo late. This one we tried to beat the weather, which we barely did.
Anyway, All the kidlets are growing. They are growing like weeds. They are rowdy and raw and mostly fun. We try not to destroy them. These kidlets have strong attitudes, and mostly good demeaners. We’ll keep ’em, but some days, man they are just INSANE! And that’s the Livingston Family Circus.
