2022 – Jan 24 – Re-calibration (again), Small Differences Conundrum, and Fluency

Thoughts trolling my mind recently

Triathlon and Life intersections – Time to get to work

So, my wonderful wife, Liz, is doing well post her surgery. I invite you to review these two posts:

• Liz Pre-surgery post – Germany
• My thoughts of Liz’s surgery about a week post procedure

I have concentrated a lot, since 2017, on our growing our circus of chaos aka #teamlivingston. I have mentioned in previous blog posts about our unanticipated struggle and journey through secondary infertility (Click here – BECOMING NUMB TO ABOVE AND JUST NOT LISTENING). This topic comes forward sometimes as people look at the 9 year gap between Dennis and Juniper. It doesn’t happen often but I have fielded a few questions. Is Liz your second wife? While I share stories and pictures with colleagues or those I encounter in business. It’s not always a comfortable subject for many. It wasn’t for me as Liz and I went through it, but now we just openly approach the topic and field questions. I guess we have the point of view and blessing(s) of being able to do so. We have since had 3 children join our little Dragon stead! What this often leads to is a need to -re-calibrate.

So, Liz stopped me the other day and said – “it’s time for you to get back to work, stop sacrificing everything and concentrate on a few things for you so you can be your better you”. What a difficult proposition that illustrates who I am. I am not paid to be a dad. I am not paid for my affinity to my hobby known as triathlon. However, I am paid to complete work to provide for my family. So, this is the initial cost of saying yes conundrum. If I say ‘yes’ all the time to my family’s notions that cause sacrifice from me, it can become overbearing to a large degree. That’s my sword to fall on. I try to manage it the best I am able. Like Liz said, it is time for work to begin.

Update, I was able to get a bike ride in. Nothing fancy just trying to get my legs moving and enjoying the video’s from Strasbourg France. Here’s a link to demonstrate just how basic this effort was to begin with. Here we go:

For me the first few workouts tend to be the hardest to control. I concentrate and focus to not be too lax or go too big. “Epic” surges at the wrong time can break everything. As long as I can stay present and be mindful, things are normally pretty decent.

Updating my office and triathlon space

In order provide me the opportunity to be available but also accomplish both training and work, my office space needed to be re-calibrated. So, first things first. I ripped out carpets. Next was the neglected carpet padding. I then began installing new flooring with great looking upcycled laminate flooring. L.z found the flooring on Facebook Marketplace. We snatched it up for a relatively cheap cost from the original users and I set to work.

The process reminded me of things in the triathlon process:

1. Start or begin with an honest and accurate description of now
2. Start from that finding
3. Plan out the approach including changes and intentions
   • Gather appropriate tools and gear
   • Identify achievable milestones or points to check in and evaluate
   • keep things small, so that iterative changes are more manageable
4. Adapt along the way
   • Seek and identify trustable sources of feedback
     • Data
     • humans – coaches and trusted and honest peers
     • sources of approaches, etc
5. When frustrations arise
   • slow down
   • breath
   • identify and recalibrate
   • enjoy the process and appreciate the journey
6. Pause, be still, look back, appreciate – move on

Flooring really seems to kick my butt. Further, I learned something. What gets done with a dragon-stead of 4 vibrant souls? NOTHING! Unless you plan and leverage the best moments. Otherwise, those little wonderful dragons will burn your soul to their own inclinations. No really, they are masters at manipulation. It just takes one look into their eyes, and they win. Not to mention, nor underestimate the beauty of their momma, the Queen of the little dragons!

So, after the first 10 days of festering because I couldn’t seem to create time. I was able to rip out the floor, begin installing the floor. All I have left is the finishing and trim work to lock it all in. Being on my knees – I don’t use the knee pads, kicks my trash. It served as a reminder in this reconstruction or recalibration process that I am not a machine. I am quite human. I have shared the analogy of a car in the driveway. Non carbon-based lifeforms don’t have the pains of cognition. Well, I feel every nook and cranny lately, mainly because of the inactivity. The least of which is the new confirmation via bloodwork that I am indeed pre-diabetic. So, a little human at this moment. So what do I do? I begin where I am at. Regardless of where I have been, I have to begin the frustratingly humbling process of starting exactly and accurately where I am at. Not where I have been! Good luck getting back at it, eh? This accurate framing is often the most humbling and difficult in the process of prepare, review/measure and then reflect.

Coming out of my funk of mind and physical wellness is again a requirement, not necessarily from everything that I can’t control, rather I will focus on the things I can control. So, the floors are in a place where I can begin.

So where will I start?  Right in my office on my trainer. I have my bike and wahoo kickr core ready to go. Now to make time, take the time and do the time!

Growth Mindset Related Topics

The quote above stuck out the other day. I felt it worth a share. This is a portion of a fluency I am trying to get better at. In my career I am paid to observe, criticize and/or report findings., Then I offer recommendations and pathways to correct or create new and novel solutions. One time my company earned 647k for a 6 month engagement in exchange for my skills. It allowed me to realize my worth and where I under-valued my own measurements. A struggle of mine is keeping my profession simply as something I do, but not necessarily who I am or becoming. The struggle is real, sometimes I do well. Other times, I fail miserably. Thank heavens for various levels of kindness offered to me in my failures. I am learning more and more that courage is often birthed in the vulnerable spaces where empathy is earned. I’m also learning not all courage has value. The good thing is that it is ok to be wrong. It is ok to be continuously learning and adapting my relationship with reality and my perception of truth or observed events, situations, interactions and more. I am continually learning how to leverage empathy and subsequent courage earned. So, the above meditation from Marcus Aurelius is a good reminder to turn in and improve before moving quickly to criticism. The struggle is real. Lord have mercy!

Concept of Information Fluency:

‘Information fluency’ that drives to truth or iterative growth is something I try to achieve. There is a growing narrative and story resurging across various domains that the ‘tools’ are the enemy. Irony is when you see defenders of tools (weapons, govt asserted freedom limitations/protections – usa examples – free speech, inalienable rights, etc.; triathlon examples – data, flow, etc.) get blinded by small differences – to the point of annihilation. Following the concepts of the Stockdale paradox, current reality is how to curate and distract the mobs capability from improving their ability to navigate disinformation and/or misinformation and discover truth. By design, this technique has been used through various vehicles throughout the years (this isn’t new folks, like faith-based only clergy could read texts originally). So, I say to my savvy gun/arms rights wielding friends., ‘Folks, you need to use the concept of transference and find methods to strengthen various biased populations don’t pollute truth’. The TLDR culture is quite noisy. It’s time to refine and discipline myself first to what noises I let in. Ultimately I need more discipline in determining what I subscribe to and digest. I need to monitor my noise sources. Then, I will continually evaluate them in order to insure my fluency stays current and apt. Some things just aren’t worth my time. As Marcus Aurelius also says:

So, how does information fluency apply to triathlon.? @#$%^

Well, first of all, the lead picture from this blog post and Coach Robbie’s quote applies. What is so curious to me is how this quote came across a podcast approx Aug 24, 2018. You are well before your time Mr. Bruce. Maybe it’s the Batman vibe (Robbie is a Bruce after all – haha), or is it Mike’s theories? Look, its simple. In triathlon, we have an opportunity to get lost in all the gear, tools, tech, plans, information, coaches, paths to failure and opportunities to success. So Like the Ryan Holiday thought from the Daily Stoic podcast. Just for a moment, let’s be still.

Breathe. Look at the process above. For me, once I start getting that down, I start to add in the plethora of data capturing opportunities. Then I add the triathlon data related capturing platforms to try to digest and create a fluency with the end goal of understanding and leveraging data captured during the training plan. The challenge is doing it in a way that is both beneficial and useful. I am constantly monitoring value. I watched a pro today say – “this is what I do because the science leans this way. But, I don’t necessarily do it perfectly because I am still human” (paraphrase). I observe so many folks use absolutes in describing things. This is the ‘only’ method. If you want results, you ‘must’ follow this EXACTLY! What’s ironic is how the narcissism of small difference explodes in many different domains. I see this in those who make absolutely no money in triathlon, running and other hobbies. HOwever, often times, I observe those who parrot absolutes also sharing stories of injuries or worse. What’s Worse than injury? Excuses. You know them. The “well. I was planning on doing this, but… (enter your favorite random excuse rabbit-hole here). Don’t tell those folks that though, you will awake the narcists in them. And potentially the Pandora’s Box of something termed ‘narcissistic injury’. Yes, that’s a thing. So, MONSTER! RUN!!!

Sam Long, in a Team Zoot interaction shared his bike-fitting changes. What he summarized is after all the efforts, he returned to the exact fit from the last 5 years where he was winning. He didn’t call it out – the Law of diminishing returns but he described it very well without labeling it as such. That being said, the small differences is where humans often argue the most. The irony is how the large commonalities and shared interests are often too easily discarded. These differences too often lead to blindness – I will plant a stake in the ground, and it’s my way or no way. Yes, I am still very human and imperfect, too. I often stumble, more than I’d like to admit. However, it doesn’t mean I can’t still chase and seek a moral high ground or better state, or set of actions. This is not self flatulating nor hypocrisy. No, I simply choose when I don’t become overwhelmed, that I am in control of my attitude and reactions. Whether this is triathlon, life, or any other domain.

What I am trying to illustrate for myself and also for anyone who happens across this is – to look at the Marcus Aurelius quote about criticism above. Let that ruminate, and then reflect upon it. Then, remember to do my best to put it into action. Perhaps, in that as we are working on ourselves, the noise won’t be as accessible because we are too busy. Then, the tools we use in triathlon, life, the socials and other domains, will become more focused and lead to more engaging and endearing interactions.

Clarity comes in spoonfulls or waterfalls

In triathlon for example, I shared an experience in a blog post previously where I was giving off an incorrect perception and it was pushing others away. It wasn’t until I was present enough to see what I was doing, that I began to work on my internal self. It allowed the space for others to see me, and re-tune their perception and realities of me I was trying to improve upon.

So in my efforts and pursuits, I began to stop sharing my numbers with others, because they didn’t much care (Sorry Strava and Training Peaks and Garmin). Others generally cared that they got out to participate in something that was common to us – Running, swimming, biking. I stopped saying yes to every tidbit of ‘perceived truth’ about my hobby (triathlon) and chased the ones I found interesting. Some were valuable and many that should just be discarded as irrelevant for me. What I have gained is better interactions with the folks I participate with. I have found conversations and other things that lead to high values of experience not necessarily tool sharing. I have found that I can be present, enjoy the activity that brought us together – then I could return to family.

Now the challenge is while we are still in-flight during this historical opportunity to change during this pandemic – how can I do better? For me, I am also trying to not be so overwhelmed and tasked and blinded by iterative growth mindset experiences that I forget to enjoy the journey of being a Husband, friend to my life-partner and family. My family is great! And I should be better, and some of that comes from me doing my triathlon activities. Now how to manage the correct fit – that’s the recipe I am trying to find without the benefits of a coach to help me defining the guardrails required for success. At any rate, here I go!