Intersection’s – family, balance, triathlon = me!

Managing the intersections

One intersection at a time? Sometimes the intersections happen in parallel, and other times it is a vomit splat mixed with a hyperbolic cough! So it is in trying to maintain a sentience in the main ones of my focus:

1. My mental and physical health and well being
2. My family – wife and offspring
3. My hobby of triathlon
4. My relationships with my morality
   • growth mindset
   • faith-based
   • stoicism
   • practicing all the above
   • ferreting through and applying and absorbing lessons learned
5. My work and career

I learned a while back that stress is stress is stress. That no matter how hard I want or desire or even try to apply it, my body, my mind, my energy to give CANNOT compartmentalize stress. No matter what I try, I am a mere mortal and it is beyond that capacity. I have really enjoyed this little gem from the stoic philospher Epictitus:

Conundrum of ‘Small Diferences’

I find for me where I often go astray is in the conundrum of small differences. This often manifests as I observe others and then get sucked in to the noise. For me, I tend to do well and then in a moment of weakness, or trusting someone close to me (family, friend or colleague). I am asked an opinion (notice the term opinion) and then I share some thoughts openly but generally filtered. Often times the topics are typically around Theology, Morality, Politics, Media, Culture War — you know the hot beds of social media platforms. Then it’s like a proverbial Cheshire Cat appears and I am chasing the white rabbit down the hole – thanks Alice!
What I really want to say here isn’t so much that I have moments of weakness. Those moments are too common at times. What I want to say is that it is interesting to see how much I may have in common with some one, but minor differences cause such friction. I tend to not invest much in over sharing any more. I choose wisely when to dole out free advice. Why? Because through too many experiences I have come to learn that unsolicited advice or wisdom is RARELY appreciated and used. And so it is, instead of embracing the common threads once celebrating differences wears thin. The conundrum of small differences often leads to EPIC blow outs and emotional tirades. I’d rather focus on the relationship over the often minor differences. I am finding myself asking more about these things:

• How is your mental and physical health
• How is the family – wife kids, etc
• Are you keeping up on any hobbies
• Where is your faith and growth mindset at?
• How is the career
• What is keeping you up at night

Recently, I sought some advice from a friend. He shared some things following some of my questions from above. We reminisced about how we met and how our perspectives and perceptions have grossly shifted through the years. We both said similar about what idiots we were when we met and how we appreciate the opportunity to reconnect and the things our kiddos are doing to keep us young at heart. I think this is what Jackie Robinson meant when he shared:

Triathlon

Lately I have been adding in runs to my cycling. Well, as I manage the circus. Life has been intersecting a bit. Because of that, I have had to adapt my cycling and run block a bit. I rode the other night on Rouvy. I was able to ride at 23.3 mph over the 18 miles, as I was merely trying to get the ride in. I then had to hustle off to fetch my son who has a job, but no car driving options yet. I wasn’t expecting that. I have been really focused on trying to find better leg speed. I have been using the indoor time to really focus on better rpm’s, managing my water and fuel and working hard to not blow up. Well on this ride, I threw it all out and treated it like a personalized FTP exercise. Well needless to say I was just surprised by the effort.

So now its back to focus and ramping up the runs with cycling. I need to identify a swimming option, as our circumstances have changed since Liz’s back surgery and we don’t use a local gym anymore.

Headspace

As I mentioned before a few folks have been asking how I can be this generally evidence based and scientific driven guy and follow a faith-based construct. I have also been reconnecting with Stoicism. I have observed through my 16 year old son’s eyes and behaviors what I must have looked like navigating waters at his age. It’s a good exercise from time to time to look in the rear view mirror. For me the exercise isn’t to get stuck in comparisons of old me and now me. Rather, I have turned it into a practice of appreciation, gratitude, and probably the term acceptance fits.

PRACTICE

As I have been exploring the connection of how empathy begets courage of value, I am realizing how much practice has. I recall in High school and prior just how much I practiced sports. The hours I put into baseball, soccer, and the other sports I dabbled in : tennis, running, volleyball, basketball and just being a goofball. Then, after I served a 2 year faith-based mission in Paris, France – I really connected with snowboarding. I wasn’t anything special really, I just connected with it. From the rush of strapping in and gliding downhill, to the nail-biting lines and stupid things I’d choose to do. As much as I loved other sports, my connection was more driven to the dream of becoming professional. Sometimes dreams lie. It’s not to say that hopes, and dreams, and aspirations aren’t good. They are excellent! The difference is maturity and wisdom has provided an enriching perspective that serves me deeply. While snowboarding I made great friends from all walks of life. I learned to push myself in ways I may not have done otherwise. Along the way in the summers I grabbed a gravity longboard and skated to/from work – out of necessity at times and during the summer practiced and was ready for winter. I gained trust in speed. Learned how to control my fears and my draw to adrenaline provoked behaviors. What I am saying here, is I spent a lot of time actively and passively practicing.

So it is with triathlon. Covid has knocked me off a practice focused hobby. What I did instead was practice mindset. I shifted from physical to mental. I have been working on enriching my relationships through practice with my wife, and kidltes. Now, my wife will probably tell you that I need help with practice, but admittedly, that’s why I am practicing.

Dennis didn’t want to come out of the car during the “hobbit caves” adventure on Sunday but the girls were ecstatic. Lucas slept while Dennis hung out with him in the car. The nice thing was Dennis offered. So, Liz and I took the girls and over the stream we went. It was nice to see, Liz and I as parents, watching the girls. They went through a myriad of emotions. Excitement, exuberance, concern, fear, concern, happiness, joy. They wanted to film some of the moments, and I compiled the little tiktok segment above. We were in the moments of practicing.

I guess what I am personally toiling through in my journey of evidence, scientific theory, faith-based ideologies and stoic oriented intersections – is how to practice those. Lately I have found great harmony in the intersections. I imagine there will come times of absolute discord too. Last night I was listening to this segment from the daily stoic:

I have often been accused of being a pessimist. I find that at times I was, more a realist but unable to properly explain my outlook, perspective and positions. I find that I have a hard time with anxiety. BUt I am realizing, as I did last night. It’s not that I don’t empathize with anxiety, but I have found a way to use it to my advantage. In my faith-based tenets there is a thought that goes like this: “If you are prepared you shall not fear”. That’s the take away. The context is that when “… men reveal … things unto you … in a manner which shall speak in your ears with a voice louder than that which shall shake the earth; but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.” I have spoken before about noise – to me the context of the thought above is just that – NOISE. The vehicle by which the noise is delivered is diverse. It often comes from avenues to which I have no control. It requires practicing. I must stay engaged in not letting that noise gain more value than those things that I do have control over. This is where the above thoughts from the Daily Stoic really struck a chord. Whether in soccer, or snowboarding or in triathlon, we often look incorrectly at Murphy’s Law. It’s not so much that what will go wrong –might! — rather its how will I be prepared to adapt to what happens. Should the might become – it’s happening, then what or how or why will I react and adapt. It’s entertaining those potentials with an apt skill that is most beneficial. This for me is where the mental practice is so vital. The problem is the focus is often incorrectly applied. Sure, i can be great at doing this as I encounter difficulties as they present while I am swimming or biking or running – but oops, I sure did fumble that husband, dad, or friend moment. Gratefully, I have a wife, spouse, life-partner that tolerates my weaknesses, most of the time. Other times I get the it’s time to be better Shane!

Liz and I have been practicing at better parenting. Yesterday, on a whim, and noticing that our 2nd kiddo – Miss Juniper, is a bit lost in the shuffle as we navigate some of the fun with Dennis and Astrid. I stopped, and we ejected out of the house. She has been telling us that mom said ‘I can have coke now’!. Over and over to the millionth degree. So, I took her excited little self to Maverick – our local gas station – and got her a small fountain drink – Cherry Coke Zero She was ecstatic. I got this da, I want to carry it to the car. I can hold it while I get in my seat dad. Thanks dad. This is awesome dad. oh my gosh this tastes so good dad. We then went over tot he carwash where I cleaned out some of the car with their vacuums that were struggling yesterday. Along the way, I had a few business things come up and I dealt with those as well. It is our kids Spring Break. So, Juniper was excited when I told her to quietly sneak out, so we didn’t make a scene so we could get away, and we did! I was in the moment, I was courageous and I set out to be a dad first.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure where i’d let this ramble go, but I think it’s safe to say, that life intersects with triathlon and my headspace, and who I am. This is why I have set to keeping a journal or blog. It’s good that I can return back to this from time to time, to look in the rear view mirror. I have a lot of appreciation for where I have come from, and look forward to where I might go. But for now, it’s back to work. Back to being a husband and dad! I have a bike ride tonight.

Last topic – Doors

Liz and I bought a set of doors about 2 years ago or so now. It was after tax time I think when we did it or maybe after our refi – oh that’s a fun story not for blog. Anyway, I have been very nervous about this project because we determined to size the project down a bit. To do this we’d just cut the doors to size. Well, that first cut happened right before winter hit and needless to say it was only the width. That 32 inch cut – the first one was PERFECT. We got ahead of ourselves and made a small mistake on cut two. During the winter we were able to brood about our mistake and we were ready once the weather warmed up. Well, as I was about to make the cut, I messaged my friend, Carl – and he was like NO!. That aluminum jig will bend. So needless to say – you call the guy that loves woodworking. Later that evening and the following day the two long length cuts were completed and the doors are hung. Now we have been taking the last two weeks to condition the doors, stain them, cut in the door hardware holes, but the doors are up. Here’s a small glimpse in photos:

Intersection’s – family, balance, triathlon = me!

So, stress is stress is stress and managing the load is about managing the intersections. This is my life. There is this concept in triathlon that is called accumulated load. In training peaks they try to measure this in an interpreted value known as Total Stress Score (Tss). This load is the accumulation of all the stresses. A good representation of this is like when someone is HANGRY. Sometimes this is beyond one’s perceived level of control , but if I am honest for me its:

A lot of the times it is when I choose to not acknowledge things that i fall into an accumulation trap to which I finally crumble and explode – HANGRY example. This can happen in triathlon as not wanting to work out after an EPIC gain – which really means I cut off 3 seconds. Insert favorite oooooooooh mocking sound!

SO, I tend to choose to try to accurately frame my expectations. I am trying to be my best self here, but i have plenty of examples of aspirations and failures/successes. Then I try to stay present enough, that I can acknowledge when I do or don’t have control. I adapt or choose to interact with the issue, or choose to not have a conversation or engage with it. Social Media opinions are where I have learned to abstain – or anything political. I often do well, until I don’t. Anyway, managing the intersections is tedious, and exhausting because stress is stress is stress and I am choosing to be present, training for an full distance Ironman and more.

Off to promote this event by sharing flyers and info:

How many memorable days have you had lately?

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