Some posts and thoughts from the socials and more
The following are some of the thoughts trolling my brain that I have posted in various contexts in social media. I will try to bring them together in a cohesive post for my blog.
Negativity, avoidance, acknowledgment and purposeful intention
<– The motivational meme spurred these thoughts below. This is an interesting one, I’d like to share some personal context and lessons learned if I may.
Because you can’t eliminate negativity I have adopted the following – its the stoic in me I suppose. I love the Buddhist practice of acknowledging it (negativity, noise without value to me) not just avoiding it. I then classify it and with intention, determine that I am not interacting with it or having a conversation. Too often, negativity is classified as to avoid, which often means a repeat visit in the near future. This approach has helped me adapt better and when I can’t control its presence, it helps me be more purposeful and tolerant and in control of my attitude and actions bc of it.
I really appreciate the thoughts from coach and runner Martin Crous. I don’t often reach out like this, but I have seen a lot of thoughts on pro-positivity that seem to ignore the realities of negativity. I can’t eliminate negativity but I can use a strategy to interact and properly acknowledge and determine how to interact with it.
A story that seemingly illustrates this in a different context:
From the beginning of my university studies, I dreamed of the day when I would complete the requirements to be qualified to take the class that would teach me how to design buildings and other structures that could then be considered “anti-seismic.” The day finally arrived for my first class on this subject. The first words from the professor were the following: “You are surely anxious to begin this course and learn how to design anti-seismic structures,” to which many of us eagerly nodded our heads. Then the professor said, “I am sorry to tell you that this is not possible, for I cannot teach you how to design a building that is against, that is ‘anti-’ or that is opposed to, an earthquake. This makes no sense,” he said, “because earthquakes will occur anyway, whether we like it or not.” Then he added, “What I can teach you is how to design structures that are seismic-resistant, structures that can resist the forces coming from an earthquake, so that the structure remains standing without suffering any serious damage and can then continue offering the service for which it had been conceived.”
Jorge F. Zeballos – link here
If we liken negativity for ‘earthquakes’ (above), like the professor stated in the shared story above, negativity cannot be eliminated but we can develop negativity resistant/resilient strategies. With proper practice and apt usage of coping skills, we can stay generally resilient and be in control of our attitudes along the way. When the negativity does and will inevitably arrive, then if I am willing to practice as I suggested to my friend’s post and practice the skill(s) of identifying, acknowledging, classifying and ultimately resist engagement via conversation, anxiety and/or fear, etc. Then I have faith that I will cultivate the capacity to flourish and strive for a vibrantly growing vitality. I know as imperfect as I am how often I fail here, but I keep practicing as situations arise!
Be Curious, not judgmental
Referring to a previous blog post on July 20, 2023 (Click here to visit). Apparently I had a bit to process and offload on this training run last year. Thought I’d be willing to look foolish and share again….
It’s time to be “where my feet are”, so it’s time to recalibrate, express gratitude to my many lessons learned to this point, squeeze my most excellent wife’s hand and get back to helping our family and make sure I take care of me along the way.
For context on the blog post. Around July 20th is about where I decided to go thru with Ironman California. This is just before I had the small health concern. It wasn’t ever identified fully, so I continue to monitor, but during training for long course endurance events, I have lots of time with myself, and work was a bit noisy at the time. So I include some references to traffic from LinkedIn as well.
Oh the joys of continuous self improvement. A work that truly isn’t ever complete. For that I am equal parts grateful, humbled, frustrated and curious.
Shane Livingston (self)
DIY and bunnies added to the circus of chaos
So right around new years we did a thing. And we finally kind of got things dialed in. When it comes to diy with 4 wonderfully vibrant kiddos, projects live at like 60 – 85 percent.
The kiddos are doing well with them…not perfect but learning. The hope is that they each bond, human and bunny in their own ways and along the way learn the skills of caring for them too.
The things we get ourselves into as parents.
I mean whether we open ourselves to helping broken humans, which we have done a few times around covid, trying to be action-oriented and showing our kiddos different ways to develop empathy and create controlled opportunities to develop courage of value. To demonstrate what charity and discipline and determination looks like beyond just the words. How to be both meek and resilient and strong. To try and promote resiliency, appreciation and how to flourish both in times of plenty and definitely where no plenty is to be found.
I dunno how far from perfect I am but I do know I am comfortably distancing myself from paralysis and or inaction. For that I am grateful to Liz for her persistent faith and encouragement in some values I wasn’t to good at practicing when we first met.
Cultivating growth is definitely not for the faint of heart and it stretches me.
A quote from the movie Hidden Figures
A haunting quote from a decent movie.
“Here at NASA, we all pee the same color”.
Kevin Costner’s character in “Hidden Figures”
When our family lived in Virginia we were introduced to some true and still existing realities. In my travels, I still see it too! The human condition and its associated experiment called ‘life’ is truly a beautiful but frustrating thing.
Also, I see and observe and witness a lot of beautiful examples of humans peeing the same color in action. “Acta non verba”. Taking action often requires some empathy mixed with some courage. Be better, do better. Let’s go! It does admittedly take a bit more effort and discipline to identify when I am observing these actions in myself and others. I have also tried to make it a practice to express gratitude to that person, if possible, and if not – express gratitude for being privileged to observe the actions in practice. Please note that often the actions, similar to my own, aren’t necessarily perfect, rather they are performed with purposeful intention. I do find I have come into periods where I observe more of these than combating against its opposite and not falling prey to the ilks of comparison, or judgments.
Please feel free to share a positive interaction that represents the above quote in the comments on my blog.
Social post about a memory while working through my groin injury
Well, I have since completed a full Ironman – 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and a 26.2 mile run in 17.5 hours. That being said, an unanticipated groin injury while bowling has been plenty disruptive. I am trying to reclaim solid ground and begin the journey of today forward.
I miss Europe. I don’t miss the travel, but I do miss the ‘context’ of living in France and Strasbourg, and Germany. In the USA we have plenty of great things, but we still miss a lot of great things too. As I wanderlust through this journey, like a buffet, I try new things and try to enjoy the best offerings, I just don’t feel I am able to see some parts of the buffet. There are many reasons for that – some within my control, and many are not. So it is!
Trying to tame and frame my camaraderies with my past. Some are worth while, and others need to be shed. It is my wish more folks would do similar and be less fanatical with their camaraderies of the past.
I touch on the notion of ‘camaraderie with the past’ and what I am doing in my blog post here:
Thoughts from a LinkedIn post
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7028889717471412224/
I posted this above as I am seeing a flurry of folks announcing job losses. Many factors are causing this closer to me in Utah, but I felt compelled to share. Thus far I have submitted 2-3 referrals because of it, and received a few direct messages of thank you for at least offering. It’s where I can lift where I stand right now. As I can do more, I do with the help of my wife and family. UNtil then, I find these little pebbles I can cast into the ocean instead of trying to boil it.
Interesting podcast guest at the Daily Stoic
Memory lane and a moment for me – a rear view mirror moment
Reminiscing for a moment on the moments that occurred that allowed me to take this photo.
I went to dinner with a colleague leader, at the time, it was easier to go across the bridge into NJ and eat near my colleagues newer residence. In so doing after dinner, I was able to take the shuttle, barge, whatever it is across the river.
This gave me some private me time. I was able to be in the deep cold and dark of the evening on the water. It was silent except for the hum of the barge. I got to take in the Manhattan lights and capture a few photos. I got to feel small and at the same time full for where I was – (health, family, life, cultivating vitality and more). It was such a volatile time. Juniper had just joined us, we were fatigued with my work and travel schedule, I was training while traveling and frustrated with all the post work meetings.
If I recall correctly, this was a night where I learned a lot about myself. INformation was previously shared by someone that put me in a position where I had to make a choice. The choice was do I use this information in the behalf to push the agenda of someone else that would affect me more negatively than anything else. Or would I leverage that info, not divulge it’s immediate source, concentrate on the process and ultimate do what was right for the business context which would also benefit my flexibility in the near and long terms.
When I shared the details of what I did and my reasoning, I left a bit doubtful but also knowing I played my hand with dignity and tact ultimately leaving my self-respect preserved. This doesn’t mean the weight of those actions was not easy. I fractured a relationship with a colleague. Hindsight allows me to see that I was being leveraged, and these actions allowed me to gain respectfully even ground. Further, it helped me to distance myself from near and short term gains, that were hollow. Rather, I was able to cultivate the endurance and patience to play the longer game. While certain aspects of this are painful, I preserved what I knew to be right. I did the tough thing standing alone. I did reasonable things, but they weren’t necessarily what others wanted. It’s ok. I’m ok.
Looking back to this photo from 2017, I was in the near future going to face the hardest 70.3 mentally I would ever endure. It taught me that not all relationships/friendships are equal. It took me a bit to find how to be on equitable ground, which in the end, frustrated my friend, but if being on more common ground does that to the other, I can’t control that, and I am ok to move forward alone. I still recall on my run after forgetting to eat on a very windy course in St George in May of 2017 – a few good friends were there in my dark space as I wavered walking up red-cliffs parkway, wondering how I had got here and was it worth it as my swim PR and bike PR would now be wasted as I was bonking, and I couldn’t get back. Foolish me, I would still finish well within time, but I let myself get to dire straits. Because of this episode and events around the ferry ride, I had a frame of reference. i was able, with simple encouragement from friends (Thanks Chris B and Sara G), to snap out of the funk and create enough willpower and resiliency to cope to the end of the race. My wife also said something to the effect “you don’t look destroyed” at the end – in direct contrast to the messy chaos of mental destruction in my own brain space. Perspective and perception are often blended, but don’t be deceived they are not the same, maybe complimentary, but not the same.
