Some memories are harder than others

October 18, 2022: The world said goodbye – Steve Jacob

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”

— Sir Francis Bacon

I’m sitting in Roanoke VA tonight. Last year I received word that a dear friend of mine took his life. While it is not my preference, I prefer to believe that he lived his life in a way where he fought to obtain his own agency. While it sucks for us that are left behind, I miss his brilliance, and appreciate the last few months we were able to reconnect. He was one of the more conflicted souls I have had the privilege to call friend. He had one of the most intelligent and brilliant minds. He bore that burden among us mere mortals. While I seriously considered ejecting from my Ironman California journey last year, I quickly determined to celebrate his life during the event. That culminated in a shared experience while I was swimming 2.4 miles in the American River. He spoke fondly about triathlons thru the years and shared his frustions and his own swimming efforts with me. To that end, years prior my father captured a few photos of Big Steve at Folsom Lake. He completed the swim but crashed on the bike where he never seemed to be able to recover and complete a tri. What I recall most is how he just kinda fit in for once. He didn’t stick out as a giant amid the other humans. I imagine to a certain degree he felt a home at that event. Then he crashed. There were things he could do that I couldn’t and I feel he shared things he couldn’t do (triathlon) through my efforts and in many other instances he dis similar through others. Despite his difficulties and affinities with anger, he had an empathy well as huge as his overall body frame. I felt this allowed him to exert courage of value where many others were afraid or paralyzed. Understand, I know he was not perfect! But, he did have the ability to give a f!&@( (see photo for quote – above) when it was worthy of doing so.

 

I do miss you Big Steve Jacob! I hope you are somewhere in bliss accepting of the love many were unfortunately unable to express while you were around. The present is often a fairytale to many, and the raw news of your choice a year ago snapped me into a reality I accept and acknowledge. Dear buddy, I hear your distinct chuckle. I am grateful you shared a few swim strokes with me in the river on Oct 23rd 2022. It was far too early for you to go, so, until we meet again. I hope to see you again. And when we do, I can’t wait to hear how poor my memories are, how much opportunity I have to learn to write, and how we will solve problems that no one will ever be brave enough to even consider.

I posted this upon receiving news last year – Oct 18/19, 2022

Suicide sucks. Today is raw. I will greatly miss my friend but not his suffering. The world lost a mighty soul. i hope you found peace my friend. I hope you will still tune into the Liz and Shane show more often than not. Ugh. Too raw too real. It is my wish today in honor of a best friend, please take a moment to listen to this. Please take action in your way and reach out to friends, if you thought it in the last week or month please do it. At least I have a few good memories this last month in conversations with my now late friend.

I will pound out a blog post or capture a vlog and share it later today is my hope.

Acta non verba. Oh my friend, I hope peace is part of this to most a misunderstood action. I hope it quenches the fires you weren’t ever able to extinguish. My friend, I will see you again, whether in memory or dream or physically in another real or existence. Until then tune into the Liz and Shane show please. Cheers.

Perception – Please be kind, and check in on someone you have been meaning to – TODAY

IF YOU NEED HELP – ST;LL HERE! #SUICIDEHOTLINE 1-800-273-8255 OR 988

I continue to be frustrated at #teamworld today. Suicide is personal, it is deep. It isn’t simple, and the complications don’t make it any easier. I wish it was simpler! I wish dualism was the way here and it was only right/wrong but there is a deep spectrum that carries so much more than observations can often see. While my observations, feelings and understanding of the topic are admittedly incredibly slim, I have been affected by it more than I like to believe.

Like Chester sang in this song –

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need 
oh And you're angry, and you should be, 
it's not fair 
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there

If you need help – St;ll Here!

#SuicideHotline 1-800-273-8255 or 988

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/resources/index.html – resources from CDC – USA

Traveling home

So, now I sit in the boarding areas of the Roanoke airport. There are 6 gates. I see the privileges of air flight. I am grateful, that I rarely have encountered true and desperate want. I see the little kids and their endearing parents full of hope and exasperation. I was delighted to encounter an Elder that is homeward bound to Midway Utah from his 2 year service mission to West Virginia.

The Highlander Hotel

While working with Radford University, I stayed in the Highlander Hotel adjacent to campus. A very nice and well accomadated property. While talking to my wife, I heard what I thought was water. I didn’t think too much of it, but came to find out. Bubbles began appearing in the latex paint. It was water. The walls were saturated enough that about 3 bubble point occured and 2 or 3 lines of water. Luckily there was no pooling. So, down to the front desk concierge I went. i alerted the young desk agent, who did fine in listening and noting my signal, but other than asking if I thought I needed a room change, his effort stopped there. In the morning the standing manager apologized, but it wasn’t considered as important as it should have been until I showed her a picture while explaining that the sooner you move to address this, the better chance of not getting Virginia mold was possible. So, if you ever have the incredible chance to stay in 513, the wall nor the ceiling crumbled on me. I hope you have the same experience.

Exercise and Nutrition

I was only really able to get a walk in. I walked to dinner all nights I was able, that meant a mile walk and some change to/from the restaurants. It was a little dicier in Roanoak walking areas with little light and sidewalks that disappeared. I was pretty good with portions and had good options to choose from before I begin phase 2 of the nutrition study I am about to finish up over the next few weeks. I completed the first part of the study a2/3 weeks before travel and as I recalled I have to travel, we chose to punt until October 23rd to start.

The -bers

As the crisp air returns, and the changing of the season, some of my favorite parts of the year begin! I have too many memories, and last year I added the passing of my friend, and Ironman California 2022. From the many 70.3 event training cycles, to lots of time on the snow. To the holidays and watching the in-fighting of faith-based types that don’t understand how many US holiday traditions have pagan and non abrahamic deity drives. I revel as I see folks fighting which is better, believe you me – I was once there too. But I have come to believe that I celebrate all holidays without regard and prejudice. There is so much to learn about other humans and their worldviews instead of ‘staying’ prescriptively or orthodoxically in my own lane. It’s not to say that I am not able, nor my agency is infringed in maintaing my own personal autonomy. Nope. I have every option to maintain my desires, my determinations and ultimately my own personal discipline while enriching my obervations, learnings and wisdom engaging with others and their own worldviews. It’s amazing! The opportunities to learn and shape my own world view.