Journey of Reasonable Self Scrutiny continues on and on and on
I heard it said today that folks feel they are bombarded by things trying to ALWAYS distract them from goals, targets, objectives and more (this was a faith-based conversational setting). This made me think and quickly reflect on stillness. I sat for a minute and as the conversation continued, I couldn’t stay quiet. I was like – I hear you all saying you are bombarded and troubled. I shared that recently I haven’t really felt more still, but that isn’t without challenges or trials. It’s noisy yes, but I even went so far to say to the other discussion participants, turn off your tv’s and and stop tuning into curated and false narratives — stop and find stillness.
How do I do this with 4 crazy neuro-divergent kiddos? How can I not? Stillness begins with me. I have posted many times about the recent levels of noise I encounter. When the noise rises, I often use this as a personal indicator or signal. To me, it means it’s time to stop. I strive to focus on less, so I can focus more on what is most important. This often begins with a dive inward. I start a personal assessment of my internal discipline, and my engagement with 4 key virtues: wisdom, temperance, justice and courage.
This often leads to more interactions for me in my journey of reasonable self scrutiny. This journey is often filled with fumbles/failures, but also plenty of actions of trying to identify and create success – this process often yields fumbles/failures, and ultimately lessons learned. Through this process deep wells of empathy are often created – which tends to be a birthplace of future courage for me. Without that hard earned empathy, I wouldn’t often have the courage to know when to say no. No! The most powerful and often most ignored word (especially for those identifying in the feminine, in the English vernacular.
As a dyslexic one of the most frustrating realizations I am encountering more and more, is even the I follow the concept of – “Be strict with self, and tolerant of others”, it is my observation that the efforts I often put in to reading, synthesizing, or understanding something — may not be similar to another. Not in the notion that – example – as a professional a question that comes my way may take me 30 seconds to precisely answer – this ignores the 20 years of lessons learned (application, failures, successes and more). It is more in the vein that, I have learned to expect the impossible while I am running, or cycling, or driving, and that another’s assessment and choice of a situation, may put me immediately in harm’s way. So, the perception thatI try to include in my person process that proceeds actions or choices, isn’t necessarily at a similar level from other humans. Duh, Shane I know! Whether the domain is triathlon, or self care, or in family and hobby endeavors, and this is one of the beauties of free will and agency. It can also be very combustible and lead to frustration rooted in myself and then projected to others.
I say this as I recently switched phones. I have learned through the years a technique to ensure I don’t inadvertently delete my thought before posting or shifting to here to capture deeper thoughts. Well, I don’t have a way to do that on my new iphone yet, so still exploring that – another fumble and lessons learned coming in the near future. Me silently smirking at others, just slapped me in the face. Touchee, universe touchee.
I just shared this on the ‘TikTok’ ohhhh I know, so scary….. Here it is and it includes things that I have been trying to capture and put here, but it centers around my re-reading of Ryan Holidays Stillness is the Key .
Most of the above content in text format (TikTok Transcript mostly)
https://www.tiktok.com/@zentriathlete/video/7329955407470808363
Most of the above content in text format (TikTok Transcript mostly)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/clementine-churchill-blessing-disguise-jonathan-sandys/
I am re-listening and reading “Stillness is the Key” by Ryan Holiday. The book references this story, especially the part where there is an exchange between married partners Clementine and Sir Winston Churchill. I missed this wisdom in my previous reading/listening of “Stillness is the Key”.
Context – 1945 and WC was just pushed out of office and having just heard the news, this is when this exchange occured. “Clementine (Churchill’s spouse) placed her hand on his shoulder and said, “It may be a blessing in disguise.” Churchill merely looked up at her and fighting tears back he replied: “Well, at the moment it’s certainly very well disguised.”” He was wrong. She was right. As usual.
I identify with this exchange in many ways, and have observed and imagine those I often trust and lean into as mentors having similar exchanges with their partners as well. It is an often difficult discipline to be like the ‘Great Delayer – Cunctator’ – Quintus Fabius Maximus Verrucosus – and exercise patience, not acting in mere frustration or combustible anger. To recognize we have two ears and one mouth and should be using them in that proportion. As I have an affinity to stoicsim in my core tenets and more as a person on a journey of reasonable self scrutiny, I am often perplexed at the simplicity and yet complex nuance while navigating reasons to identify gratitude and cultivate empathy. Blessings, opportunities, luck (when preparation meets opportunity) many will use adjectives such as this. I often find like RH mentions in pages near this reference of Chruchill, “have you ever noticed how onions and tears often accompany each other?” Ryan goes on and references Mark Manson’s refererence of a “self awareness onion” . Ryan continues to explore Mark’s words and the process of growth as we take responsibilty for our own emotions and impulses. Like onions, tears can accompany growth.
And that is ok. I like this quote from Rumi that often stops me in my tracks : “Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” I have placed this quote in many presentations I am part of where I am a change agent and seeking to influence systemic adaptations that will enable growth opportunities for those I consult with as a professional. A recent experience made me reflect on how I was like Clementine delivering a message to a customer peer, and their response was similar to Winston Churchill. A little bit of time was all it took to help my customer colleague, mentor and now friend to put his trust in the value of my observations and insights. I am flawed, and can often be incorrect, but gratefully due to my many actions that have lead me through the process of failure and lessons learned.
