A big personal headspace thought
I just wanted to get on here and journal some mind and head space stuff for me. I have plenty to be grateful for because I have adopted a growth-mindset approach and my triathlon hobby (some examples I am willing to share include):
- how I have learned about my acceptance of apathy – pre triathlon and changes/actions I engaged in
- recognizing my personal lack of courage
- appreciating my spouse with more value and courage
- appreciating my now 4 kiddos
- processing and understanding effects of 9 years of secondary infertility as a male partner supporting an awesome spouse, wife, life partner
- growing my coping mechanisms library and toolkit
- how to recognize, process or absorb anger, disharmony and things beyond my control
- filling of things missing from my faith-based norms and cultures
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not in a crisis. Rather, I have seen immense growth, appreciation, and how I choose to personally practice. I see a lot of noise lately in all elements of life. It has become difficult and heavy at times to maintain focus and discipline. I observe so many parroting this noise and beating their chests full of opinion, interpreting things from half truths, sources of mis and dis information. They then sprinkle their own points of view as it compares to perception and reality. Perception and reality are not one in the same. It’s so noisy!
Here are some good thoughts to explore taken from the daily stoic (reference below came from this link): https://dailystoic.com/how-to-control-anger/
“Say to yourself at the start of the day, I shall meet with meddling, ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, and unsociable people. They are subject to all these defects because they have no knowledge of good and bad. But I, who have observed the nature of the good, and seen that it is the right; and of the bad, and seen that it is the wrong; and of the wrongdoer himself, and seen that his nature is akin to my own—not because he is of the same blood and seed, but because he shares as I do in mind and thus in a portion of the divine—I, then, can neither be harmed by these people, nor become angry with one who is akin to me, nor can I hate him, for we have come into being to work together, like feet, hands, eyelids, or the two rows of teeth in our upper and lower jaws. To work against one another is therefore contrary to nature; and to be angry with another person and turn away from him is surely to work against him.”
Marcus Aurelius
(Meditations, 2.1)
Another example of this concept and for my faith-based friends –
“See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love.”
Alma 38:12
I choose to follow the counsel in the next thought as it pertains to how I also blend my faith-based ideals, practices and the philosophies of stoicism – or as I have come to coin that adventure – “A journey of reasonable self-scrutiny”:
Instead of endlessly debating about which worldview reigns supreme, let us take elements we admire in both traditions while constructing a philosophy about how to live, and demonstrate two heads are better than one.
Ryan Holiday
How I Choose to Practice
Triathlon is also a key space where I am able to practice this growth mindset approach. For example after reading Ryan Holiday’s books, Stillness Is the Key, The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy and Courage is Calling (in that order), I began to allow myself to look at self-imposed boundaries like self-discipline and ask if they are correctly calibrated. I commonly do just this in triathlon as a place of practice, then incorporate lessons learned in other vectors of life.
As a triathlon hobbyist, it is often heard that – we are data nerds! I would argue, we are data collectors… Further, it is my observation that few actually really collect, analyze, interpret and capitalize on the signals provided by the data collection gadgets. We love to say it, but are we really data nerds? Or, do we just like collecting things? And that is ok, too! But really, do we capitalize on its potential or let a supposed normative quota measure and control us?
Recently, I have been exploring empathy and its relationship to courage to see where I can re-calibrate with reason personally imposed boundaries. I do this in my life, mindset, faith-based preferences, and in hobbies like triathlon. It isn’t too painful. I try to do this with purpose and persistence (actively practice). One vital task is to keep proper boundaries and enforce them as required. To this end, I am more interested in my journaling that goes along with the data collection. It enables me to identify if there are signals needing my focused attention. When I discover something, I can assess, review and recalibrate the levels of effort I am willing to exert. This is the what, when, where and how I can make incremental changes. This practice is similar to my routines beyond triathlon, whether life focused, mindset and mental health or faith-based. Lastly, the ultimate why is to be my best self. This value add proposition allows better, deeper and more meaning relationships in most vectors of my life.
Some may perceive my intrinsic and internal thoughts and say its just the popular shouts of normalizing growth mindset and meditation that has my current attention. Association and causation are not the same thing even if it all appears to be exploding at a similar time. I am merely coming to a deeper ideology and sense of self for me and aligning it to my faith-based findings, what I like and find in stoicism and associated philosophies and other wisdoms learn during the activities and experiences of life.
One of the things I always found interesting in my studies (secular and other) was the concept of transference. I made a connection in my early years about this principle without knowing or having a label or a specific definition. I just observed and came to know that I could apply generally principles from a discipline and apply them in practice to others. The main thing I often saw that was distinguishable in the singular discipline approach was execution had strict guidelines and guard rails. I remember being taught by one influential soccer coach that you must first learn to play to have fun – which sometimes leads to having fun, or you can learn to win, but sometimes have fun. That stuck with me since I was about 13 or so years old. That coach has passed on but I have been honored to maintain a loose friendship with his son through the years. Although we are not necessarily always connected, I am grateful to have known and be taught by my friend’s father.
I guess I just always thought that others knew that we didn’t learn Algebra and Geometry specifically to memorize computational theorems and equations. Rather, it is a method to learn complex problems and how to solve them. Sometimes there are absolute paths to take to solve and other times you have to solve them by adapting principles learned in other arenas.
Example, I can learn to maintain a checkbook, but that approach would add little if nothing about the complexity of trying to run across the round point encircling the Arc de Triomphe in Paris as a 19/20 year old missionary (true story). Avoiding cars doing something foolishly exhilarating like that, mind you I did it at least 2 times on 2 different occasions, is nothing like keeping a checkbook balanced. However, they are both complex problems that require applications of lessons learned from problem solving. Voila – the concept of transference.
I guess many of the clinical definitions of transference apply to feelings, while I placed my interpretation into physical and behavioral expressions. A great arena for me to learn these concepts is in my triathlon hobby. This is where I often learn, practice and express or experiment before applying to other vectors of life.
The challenge I tend to observe first in self and others. Stress is stress is stress. A heavy load is similar. It’s not always that I am too stubborn to ask, but by the time I realize I need help, my nose is under water and I can barely breathe, let alone talk. So, yes, please check on us because, following a swim analogy, drowning is too often silent, eerily silent.
Shane Livingston
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Zentriathlete aka – Me
One of the fun things about triathlon is the maxims of how easy it seems and how incredibly difficult it is. I mean I easily sign up for an event throwing my money at the event. At first, as I was beating my chest to tell everyone in arrogance that I am now a triathlete. Everyone had to know, and I apologize to those who felt I was increasingly overbearing, because I was. I was letting something I treasured as a virtue become a vice to others. The overall perception was sure filled with my unintended and unbridled “douchebaggerie”. I painstakingly learned just who cared about this. That’s right, the lonely island or ‘just me’. I am grateful for this failure. I learned so much. The first real lesson I learned is placing trust in failure as part of the process to finding success. While this was mainly focused first in my hobby, I was able to gradually apply this in other vectors of life with a lot of value quickly. Especially at work as some of my most challenging engagements, to that point in time, were occurring as I was going through this ‘manifestation’ of I am a triathlete – now hear me roar.
You can’t run from or deny this–this implicit counterexample right there in front of you. It is a wordless indictment of you and the hubris and pride you’ve picked up over time.
And then you have to ask yourself, what’s my excuse? Where do I get off being such an asshole? It doesn’t look so good in comparison, does it?
Ryan Holiday
What I truly learned is this: I get to play triathlon. And it is hard! And sometimes I am good, but more than often I just love being what I can bring to it on any given day. I am not an elite, nor do I depend on being top tier. I can truly focus on the enrichment of the process and the journey. If I were to write a self help book, it would be one page – sign up for a triathlon, enjoy the process and the journey – then keep your own journal and reflect often. The end! Publish!
Execution often leads to sums of small differences, catastrophe
One thing I wanted to address in this post is the concept of dualism. Trigger warning – a bit of my personal adaptations to philosophy, practice and faith-based executions in this next section. I have really been exploring why folks in religion, practice, triathlon, politics or other things – why is it the sum of small differences causes us to go Nuclear. This is the general problem of things I see today. Celebrate the differences (this is diversity) but fall back tot he common things to work through the sum of small differences. That being said. I often see that I share many common things with someone that doesn’t agree with me. I tend to try to understand the commonalities to truly appreciate the difference – and where appropriate allow myself to have a boundary or interact in a process of change. you know me-search.
To that end, I observe that many folks get stuck in dualism, in execution. However, I can talk to them and understand that we share many commonalities and often celebrate differences in wisdom, thoughts, discover and execution. But then folks get stuck. It can be perception, interpretation, understanding, maturity and many more things. These manifest in multiple vectors of life. I often find imbalance here, but only because there is too much chaos and not balance. There is an intrinsic disagreement that is at risk of becoming needful of adaptation or change. For example in the core philosophy of my faith-based journey – I believe and know that the concept and realities of the Atonement are not tied to dualism. It just can’t be dualistic because a 3rd party who serves as a Redeemer for something I have robbed from justice and I cannot by myself repay that debt. But I observe so many that get trapped in the dualistic argument of right/wrong, or good/evil, or simply stated yes/no.
Again, I am grateful to triathlon and my practices of meditation and seeking for discipline. It is my hope others will also do their best in their own way as humans. This introspection of truth, I merely try to accept reality and still find joy. Finding fulfillment comes in many forms, but I truly find gratitude in lessons learned swimming, biking, and running for hours. These hours, provide me the space to strive to be better, discover discipline and manage myself in a way that helps me navigate struggles and successes. To not let virtues turn to vices (strengths become weaknesses) is a difficult yet fulfilling process. It gets better and easier in practice. Because my dreams are liars, and as I seek satisfaction, I can’t become apathetic and not prepare. “Be ye prepared and ye shall not fear”. This is why, if I practice correctly in training as I practice for a 70.3 or a 140.6 event, then I will be able to lean into empathy and have the courage to move forward one step, one process, one choice, and one day at a time.
Triathlon training
I tend to get headspace-y as I absorb some of the major initial impacts of training. I just concluded a 4 week cycling focused block. I am now adding in runs and it’s time to maintain my cycling base – there will be growth to. But, now I turn my focus to increasing my run base. My current task is to merely increase my run and cycling base to be 70.3 ready and get as fast as I can there by Mid may. THen I will begin my jump to 140.6 readiness.
My bike fit, although done by me focused on my seat height, cleat placement and elbow placements in aero, have been a significant improvement. Challenge, just in the last 14 days I have dropped from 224 -ish lbs to 216 today. I have been feeling a bit spacey and took a day off yesterday to assist in my wife providing help to her dear friend recovering from surgery. I actually just got back from my run where I was able to just run a slow 50 – 60 minutes covering just over 4 miles.
I have been reading arguments about the “best” approach. Superlatives are pretty little things. That being said, a few years back when I was first introduced to Crushing Iron and the C26 founders. I learned a few gems of wisdom. I learned that similar to the Bruce Lee notion of:
“Obey the principles without being bound by them.”
Bruce Lee
Coach Robbie is a smart guy. I am sure there are better and worse but I se him following the greats like Dan Lorang in practice. What I mean is this. First, in endurance sports, execution paths will differ and be unique, but follow general principles and guidelines. Learning which ones to use is where the value adds of growth are discovered. Be willing to listen to yourself, and use a coach or other opinions as a resource. Nothing is worse than having an athlete during a triathlon not know how or be willing to make their own decisions. A coach or a training plan should be more of a governor (think of a car and the governor limiting top speeds). If I am always trying for peak performance every workout, as a hobbyist – I will burn out. That holds true in other vectors of life too. Sure, I’d love to invest in a coach like Robbie, but life circumstances don’t allow for my budget to do that. So I sojourn through my hobby, leaning into the lessons learned from the C26 podcasts and other resources like Ryan Holiday for mindset and other things. I lean into my wife for solid nutrition and advice from my best friend. What I will say, if anyone happens upon this, every penny invested in C26 coaching – regardless of the coach chosen, it will be worth the value spent and more if you trust them.
Ok. So runs and bike are coming along. I am in this journey myself, so back to the quote above ; that load at times gets heavy. This can cross apply tot he other vectors of life. I think with the heavy world issues at this time and the weight of being a good partner, spouse, father and employee, it seems my confidence and arrogance has out kicked my coverage a bit. So it is, that I am now trying to set proper boundaries so that I can first be there for my wife and my children, then work. I love these things. I need to listen to the signals from my wife more. Yes, I do and probably could benefit from a coach, but it just isn’t in the cards, so I put this in my how I learn pile and hope that transference comes through for me as I apply lessons learned from growth mindset, 4 successful 70.3 build ups with 3 being successes with one super failure – but I DID NOT WALK off course. Almost, but I finished with a solid time even.
As with that event, I may enter into a deep or even dark headspace from time to time. But I will not walk off course, even if it takes a screaming friend (my wife mostly) to snap me out of it. Patience. Stay the course. Trust the process. I have done this before, and I can do it well and even endure the suck!
Onward!
