Catching up to our old selves – 18 years

Life update – 18 years – we’re adults in marriage

A pic or didn’t happen. Bahahahaha. Well what a fun week! Bleh. The highlight though was being able to celebrate 18 years or marriage with my wife – Liz, and we actually got away to celebrate at Log Haven. The best thing about having gone to Log Haven 3 times now – consistent world class servers. The meals were great, Liz had a problem with her plate, and it was whisked away and new food out quickly. We had a great time catching up to our old selves.

What I shared on July 16 on our Anniversary Day:
Not sure how others do it.  But here we are.

Location: Log Haven Restaurant.  Our anniversary is today.  After 18 years, what have I learned? A 2 hour drive and a 90-ish minute dinner at arguably the best restaurant in Utah is worth it.

From Hyrum, to South Logan, to Farmville, Strasbourg, SLC, and and now this place 3 times on Mill Creek.

But, what I have learned? Life is beautiful.  Solutions are much more complex than broad simplistic brushstrokes.  Liz Livingston moves me.  She pushes, pulls, prods, tugs me, encourages, screams, whispers and gives me the sideways stares.   She gives me my spaces, encourages me into hers and we leverage our strengths and weaknesses in our way.  In a world that seemingly amplifies the ugly and often lives in the two imaginary worlds of the past and the future, she enables and empowers me to chase my authentic truth in the present.

I have many scars, bumps and bruises that provide me wisdom I never thought I'd face or find or need or want or understand. 

So, even if we only get out once a year really by ourselves, it gives us a moment to breathe and reflect.  This little place in Mill creek canyon has provided us respite and refuge 3 times and I'd recommend it to anyone - yes it is spendy and expensive - the quality is worth it just like every damn experience that liz and I have fought through the last 18 years and I am sure we will trudge thru as we often find that the obstacle truly is the way.
 
Thanks to Liz's friend Star, for tending to the kidlets (our circus of chaos) and to the kind and meaningful staff at Log Haven restaurant that permits us to remember that stillness is the key.

Thank you to Liz for letting me see persistently that life is beautiful if we just keep looking in the right places.  And so is she, Liz, a beautiful soul!  Here's to many more years.

Mindset update

Quote share from the Daily Stoic – Marcus Aurelius. (from last week)

I remember hearing from a coach I like – ’emergencies and injuries are often what happens from ignoring the little warnings that proceed the perceived emergency or physical injury.’
Liz and I do our best to focus on our kiddos first and it often means we have a different approach from others.. Today for example, Astrid was having a rough go. One fit began as Juniper couldn’t stand the cold hot tub. So I stripped down to my knickers and jumped in. She was ecstatic. Later, she had another moment after we rewarded the 3 younger kids while the 16 y/o was at work with going to a park nearing dusk.

Lucas is coming out of his shell. Juniper and Astrid found insta-friends (Tyler Durden used the phrase single-serving-friends) their age. Liz and I motored around helping the kidlets. A bit into our park time, a friend brought me back my jersey – I offered to let him borrow for his first organized bike ride and I appreciate his trust in seeking my advice at times.

At the end of the park time, Astrid snapped again. Liz and I had to dig deep into our ever expanding coping skills chest. She finally got in the car and had one more glorious fit. Each of our kids is unique, quite neuro diverse and often masking to appease wants, desires and expectations of others. It’s tough for these little ones to have models like Liz and I who are inherently flawed. We try our best, but we are humans making it up as we go in a poop storm of ass-holery and douchebaggerie. The world is amplifying ugliness. It’s why I often focus here more on striving toward lifting and controlling my attitude and shaping my agency between stimulus and response.

I hope my kiddos see my struggles with hypocrisy, the resilient approach I take at iterative growth mindset (whether faith based or stoic practice and philosophy or just plain adapting to what fate plays me into), and seeks a journey that suits each one best. Sheryl Crowe sang in a Diddy ‘happiness isn’t loving what you want it’s wanting what you’ve got”. Well I got a pretty good hand of cards in Liz, dennis, juniper , Astrid and lucas. I can only hope one day they revere what Liz and I attempted to guide them towards.

Because some adulting days, it’s just hard. Hard to see the forest thru the trees. Hard to accept my own hypocrisy, let alone endure that of others (motes and beams). Its hard to control my attitude toward my crotch goblins – those little wonderful malleable and loveable kiddos. Hard to see where I have come from to appreciate where I may go. Chasing potential not unrealistic nor unreasonable expectations. I don’t feel resent, I feel the load I bear. And today that load is a bit heavier than other days.

Fatigue masks fitness. Physical and mental. I have a lot of hope in that thought, and I move to action often because of it. I’m just tired, and training has me a bit beat up too. I am grateful though. Hoping sleep and rest helps.

Carry on my wayward son!

Triathlon Training Update

The ‘truth’ is there wasn’t much training this week, and I turned it into a recovery week after the traithlon on Saturday. It’s not what I wanted to do, but with all the other happenings of the week, being a human, I had to adapt. Below is a glimpse at my Training Peaks calendar and the next two weeks.

As you may see it is time to load up. I missed my run last night. I just couldn’t get out of a funk. I don’t know what it was as it was both mental and physical. The day of work, with Lucas and his Tuesday morning procedure was weighing into me in a way I couldn’t shape or control. So I am using a book called the 12 week Triathlete by Tom Holland and I am using this as a wire frame. I am using the time based approach and will adapt things based on Real Perceived Effort (RPE) and overall feel. Time based training helps me monitor load and associated and accumulated stress.

During one of my sleepless nights I captured some thoughts I anted to share here:

I’m on a journey to rediscover this guy. Not in the past, but to think about yesteryear and reminisce with myself tomorrow. To look at where I have landed. To as Matthew McConaughey once said to meet my future hero – myself in a few years time. I still need to finish his book greenlights, lol.

In this pic, I was naïve. I jumped in a vehicle with 6 other like-minded strangers. My wife sent me out on a memorable adventure. I was lucky to be the stranger among friends. I learned I was a REAL douchebag. I learned I had a lot of growth still left in this life. I realized that my wife loved me enough to give me space to realize I had to become more. Now I don’t know if it was in this moment here, after climbing the “hill”. But I still recall as I came up to it, what the hell am I doing in July and running for fun.

Liz took a big calculated chance on me in July of 2004. Here we sit a day or two away from 18 years. I’m grateful that many of my darkest moments outside of my triathlon hobby have been with her by my side or her tugging me along, or pushing and prodding. So many lessons learned. So many memories to be grateful for. Most importantly, we have strived to embrace the freedom to observe and participate in one another’s growths and failures. Failing forward is often our common reality.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about things. Work, Triathlon, life. I guess an event like an annual anniversary of marriage will do that. Many of the thoughts spur gratitude. Many of the thoughts require deeper context. For example I shared a post on Linkedin:

I updated my profile picture to something I am quite passionate about. Sure, work is something I do and I love what I do mostly.

My well and deep source of resiliency often comes from lessons learned due to my efforts and experiences during my triathlon hobby. I am preparing for a 140.6 distance (Ironman) in October.

During this effort and journey, I have been stretched and pulled. I often have to choose less so I can focus more. I have learned how to create the heat in the kitchens of experiment so I can withstand the levels of heat I face at work and throughout life (obstacles, trials and so much more).

I have learned to fail forward and deeply understand how empathy is often the birth place of courage. While not all courage has value, triathlon has taught me how to play the long game while showing up each day. Little by little and day by day. What seems epic to many observers is just another dot of data along an end to end journey. I have intimately learned how iterative adaptations serve to tune change management oriented philosophies in my delivery of work solutions.

I'm grateful to have a hobby where I am empowered to play and it offers me an environment to become my authentic self as a contributing consultant, thought leader and colleague in my line of work at Ellucian.

Most importantly, I have become a better spouse and partner, father and dad. My children enjoy it most when I come over during and event and let them know they are my why's! sure work is important, but there is plenty that is more important-er (grammar error for emphasis!).

Closing thought and share from stoicism

So, I thought I would end with below. This is more mindset like and really a post about how life, triathlon and work intersect. The snippet of the podcast below is excellent. Two major phrases resonated with me and prompt the share:

• “self-abandoning and co-dependent” –
• don’t convince, provide context…

Ryan Holiday and his guest explore boundaries and how the two most powerful letters combined in the English speaking vernacular, may open up opportunities for later yeses. My work has really been trying to emphasize a how to say no without saying no, and I morally can’t do it. This episode explores in brief many of the contextual reasons why I cannot and will not dilute the power of “NO”!

Some Fun TikToks – Anniversary themed