LINK to Page for RESOURCES around ASD and PDA
A little bit about my why's
A wee bit about me for reference - I have 4 kiddos - all adhd, 3 ASD and 2 PDA (All diagnosed - phew what an exercise in frustration). Kiddos are 17, 8, 6 and 3. My life partner and spouse/wife is undiagnosed ASD is diagnosed ADHD annnnd I was diagnosed as dyslexic in my teens. We haven't spontaneously combusted yet, but the PDA profile has been a big learn over the past 2/3 years since we learned about the profile, received some directed coaching and now do our best.
Story time
Story example below (may contain situational triggers!
This is from about 1.5 or so years ago! During an evening and rushing around through the final moments of the evening with my kiddos! I had a spiraling scenario - I have the 3 younger kiddos and the 6 yo is PDA. All was well until I missed a want/autonomy trigger. You know check out stands, because i was distracted by an employee at self check. Maybe, I will get the end of year party invite. I digress - as the 6 yo started into the path of sensory overload and going muted (thanks neurological disruption straight to flight or fight and her primary coping skill for control) the employee tried to come over and console (unsolicited but safe and appreciated)! Well, the moment she did cross a boundary - I asserted my fatherly position - thanked her for her awareness and enforced a boundary. Mind you, with tact, "I need you to stop and back up a bit - please!" It took me the better part of 5-10 minutes to de-escalate the 6 yo while assuring the 8 year old and 3 year old don't spontaneously combust as targets of my PDA-er's disrupted actions. This employee apologized and said, "I see my daughter right there in your 6 year old". This started a brief and quick 3 minute run down of ASD, PDA profile - lessons learned. I expressed my appreciation for her genuine attempts, where to find immediate resources. I also said - "I have no problem informing you that you unassumably also caused more harm than good in your approach and you never asked me or her if it was ok to cross that boundary". She apologized lots - more than needed, again appreciated.
Often times, most folks look at me with WTF eyes as I have been known to sit right down in the aisle with this 6 year old. When this occurs, I stop! I speak loud enough to those in immediate proximity around - alerting them, like a first responder in a 911 situation, of what I am doing periodically. Yes, I'm a bit more aware of things - thanks dyslexia for that superpower. So my techniques include
I do this when I am able - yes even in uncomfortably public social or other settings. Sometimes, even a bit more comfortable working through scenarios like this, I fail and I succeed.
Looking back, that night was a good interaction. Even with spontaneous combustion imminent, it is quite often worth the efforts to work through some of the most difficult scenarios I've ever encountered as a human. Not to mention the various roles I fulfill as a husband/partner/father/ and whatever else I am perceived as.
I continue to work as an IT consultant by trade (technology management in EdTech space). I still enjoy my hobbies of swim/bike/run a lot. PDA has become my love/hate jam and I'm here to be leaned into if needed. Family and my persitent journey of reasonable self scrutiny are my why's!
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