Prompted by my recent reading and or listenings and via posts on other platforms
The two books above – I was always off put by the language of the titles. Now having completed the first and reading or listening to the second, it’s too bad I waited so long. The information within is an interesting
Some observations that have lead to me posting
While reading Mark Manson and re interacting with Nietzsche and Kant and Jung – this (Peaky Blinders) reminder to not be a douchebag came forward.
Virtues and values are quite important, and I try to be tolerant and mindfully authentic in interacting with others. But one of the reasons not much offends me, is that I have discarded the need to convince another of my worldview – in this light, I make a concerted effort to not offend another. Sure what another thinks is not my business but how my actions make another feel are hard to get back. Trust is earned in drops, and it is busted in bucket fulls. What is important to you may or may not be of value to me – and I prefer to concentrate on context. Since my injury I have been deep in my head (thx Blaise pascale) and often alone while my swim, bike, run affinity has been highly disrupted. I currently observe a deep dark side of those that lean into christianity and stoicism. Folks sometimes come forward and it leans into encouraging righteous justification and that often has no other destination than enmity and isolated hatred. I’d like to remind myself that being cheerful and taking mindful actions and being kind to others is my choice and it aligns with virtues like courage, justice, tolerance and wisdom. It also aligns with the 4 agreements and it requires me to persistently recalibrate my worldviews and my personal moral compass along the way on my journey of reasonable self scrutiny. It takes efforts that many don’t and won’t ever observe or see. It requires purposeful and mindful exercise so that when I make a mistake, I can quickly identify or receive another bringing it to my attention so that I may receive that invitation to correct and adapt.
Just a reminder to me to be kind, tolerant, and to share context where and when appropriate. I need to allow others to have their space to do the same. Too often, I observe that the need to convince betrays another’s consent and oft-times their agency. I actively remind myself that my role is to be cheerful and provide safe spaces so that my kiddos and those within my circle of influence can grow similar to the way I am trying to grow – or not if it’s not their thing. Sunday thoughts. TLDR – be kind, not a douchebag!
An image from someone that prompted my reaction
I observe on the socials like Facebook, Insta, X and maybe even LinkedIn – a lot of mindless sharing. When I see something that evokes my interactions or thoughts, I share the meme or inspiration and provide some thoughts and share some context from my lessons learned and worldview. I observe others doing this – share something obnoxious that makes me feel something image/meme/quote – and then only add – “Truth!” or “Amen!” or some other cringeworthy sentiment. So here’s one I couldn’t pass on:
Someone blindly shared the above image (thought)!
So I shared the following snoopy thought and add this “This horrible statement devalues many educators, this half truth is foolish and parroted solely by the religion of politics.”
About a year ago I posted these thoughts on LinkedIn.
I share them as they are just as important today as they were to me then.
“A kind reminder to myself on this interestingly awkward platform known as LinkedIn. Gamification is a great tool, but like any tool it can be wielded well or less than well. Little replaces cultivating empathy and courage, so I may personify Walt Whitman’s quote in action when the interaction occurs:
“Be Curious, not judgmental”.
Personally, I have been focusing on the human more than the broken process (including gamification or other carrot stick approaches for attention). I support my colleagues and friends first, and then seek solutions. And, if they provide direct consent, I may then add my perspective and associated context. I’m amazed at how more sincere and powerful the interactions have been. I see others flourish before my eyes, and the skills and reasons why I should lean into their expertise over mine. The growth and vitality I’m witnessing far supersedes any gamification standard in play.
Lastly, it allows me not to have to pick up every pebble, stone, rock or boulder. The hive is so much more alive. “
https://lnkd.in/g5_BmvhW
Excerpt from my reading – The One Rule For Life – Ch 6 – The Formula of Humanity
But what does this look like in day-to-day life? Here’s a simple example:
Let’s pretend that I’m hungry and I want a burrito. I get in my car and drive to Chipotle and order my usual double-meat monster that makes me oh so happy. In this situation, eating the burrito is my “end” goal. It’s ultimately why I’m doing everything else: getting in the car, driving, buying gas, and so on. All these things I do to get the burrito are the “means,” i.e., the things I must do in order to achieve my “end.” Means are things that we do conditionally. They are what we bargain with. I don’t want to get in my car and drive, and I don’t want to pay for gas, but I do want a burrito. Therefore, I must do these other things to get that burrito.
An end is something that is desired for its own sake. It is the defining motivating factor of our decisions and behaviors. If I wanted to eat a burrito only because my wife wanted a burrito and I wanted to make her happy, then the burrito is no longer my end; it is now a means to an even greater end: making my wife happy. And if I only wanted to make my wife happy so I could get laid tonight, now my wife’s happiness is a means to a greater end, which in this case is sex.
Likely that last example made you squirm a little bit, made you feel that I’m kind of a dirtbag. That’s exactly what Kant is talking about. His Formula of Humanity states that treating any human being (or any
consciousness) as a means to some other end is the basis of all wrong behavior. So, treating a burrito as a means to my wife’s end is fine. It’s good to make your spouse happy sometimes! But if I treat my wife as a means to the end of sex, then I am now treating her merely as a means, and as Kant would argue, that is some shade of wrong.
Similarly, lying is wrong because you are misleading another person’s conscious behavior in order to achieve your own goal. You are treating that person as a means to your own end. Cheating is unethical for a similar reason. You are violating the expectations of other rational and sentient beings for your own personal aims. You are treating everyone else who is taking the same test or following the same rules as a means to your own personal end. Violence, same deal: you are treating another person as a means to some greater political or personal end. Bad, reader. Bad!
Kant’s Formula of Humanity doesn’t only describe our moral intuition into what’s wrong; it also explains the adult virtues, those actions and behaviors that are good for their own sake.
Some observations
The earlier I remember and assert efforts in managing expectations, word choice and the ‘common vocabulary’ it tends to set an arc towards cultivating: relationships, potential collaboration, and ultimately opportunities to iteratively grow and evolve. Further, if there is indeed a maturity deficit, then identifying the adult virtues that are my targets. The cardinal virtues are quite often my core targets. However many other virtues can come and go based on the various contexts I find myself in. Finding some shade of wrong is not as black and white as we may think. For example – to self, while chasing the concept of ‘Happy’ – see thought below:
The above is referred to as the hedonic treadmill. it demonstrates the need to have our head and feet in the same place. Not in a fairytale of the past nor in the future.
No one can lose either the past or the future – how could anyone be deprived of what he does not possess? … It is only the present moment of which either stands to be deprived: and if this is all he has, he cannot lose what he does not have.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I guess what I am seeing a stark trend in is what Mark M also asserts in his book “Maturing is therefore developing the ability to do what is right for the simple reason that it is right.” Many of the pass along posts folks often skip that litmus step in the process. It is a mindless click, and share! Thanks Edward Bernays! It felt good so I posted it. My observation is that is is often without effort, value assessment or any other synthesis occurs. Like Mark M. I am observing many of the problems his book asserted would occur and associated paradoxes. What is curious to me is that I am reading his book Everything is F*cked years after it was initially published and available to read. Example: After that painful rendition of what we have called a presidential nominees debate from the other night – a friend of mine’s remarks prompted me to post this thought in response to his thoughtful remarks:
“The real question, the elephant in the room – why are we even here and how is this illusion even acceptable. Our supposed empire is on the largest edge of disaster it has ever been on – and the masses are are just lemminging on like lemmings. I see a lot of gimme what I want from the two ideological parties not a lot of what we need. We have been absent of pain and suffering for too long – which is all I see us encountering in the near term – hopefully it has the ability to recalibrate our democracy to be antifragile again. If not, we are more volatile than ever before, and the world stage knows this.“
Another one
“Best thing we can do for kids…..Instead of teaching them how to always be successful, teach them how to respond when they are not successful”
Principal EL —
Sounds super nice and awesome! Here’s a direct example of what Freud’s nephew Edward Bernays capitalised on in marketing contexts. Bernays’s marketing tactics at the time were unlike anybody
else’s in the advertising industry. In the context of the quote, the use of the comparative ” Best” – that’s an execution preference that plays to our feeling brain – but it wants us to use our reasoning – these two are at odds with each other, the feeling brain may often be impulsive and emotional. Quotes like this seek to trigger appropriate emotions to appeal to our Feeling Brain’s often reactionary nature before the reason side participates and adds temperance and wisdom to the equation..
So speaking to this Principal El quote, there is a large break in the cycles of help, mentorship, caregiving kids – a lot of context is missing here to help validate the assertions of the quote. Many kids are merely masquerading as adults and are in this same paradox, because they didn’t have access to antifragility and resilience because their models as adults were kids raising kids, too.
We need to consider identifying ways to start and meet each other where we are – kids, adults, and caregiving mentors. The only guidebook available is kindness and empathy. Hope, in the context of this quote has – at its end – the hedonic treadmill which is merciless and full of quid pro quo. It always demands more. Start with securing safety, move to validation, mentor resilience and antifragility models, rinse – repeat!
Serendipity or something more divine?
The other night – Late being before dusk our family found ourselves at a local to us park. As I was laying in the grass, I look up and see someone that was a young youth from an old neighborhood. We were privileged to catch up and learn more about this beautiful human. When my wife heard – maybe you can show me some of the places here in town, her momma heart melted. One of the most difficult things as a parent is observing a child choose and write their own script! But why? The core values of this human don’t reflect their parents necessarily but this humans parents’ can be proud to know, their impact on their kiddo allowed them the trust, confidence and self awareness to become the awesome growing human they are today! And that is quite a beautiful thing!
