The last little bit has been nothing but grinding, In the fiery moments of seeking resiliency, I keep returning to this notion from Ryan Holidays’ writings – Stillness is the key. There are many personal and reasons and many beyond mine or my family’s control. It’s a very humanizing experience. It’s humbling! It fosters and demands I nurture my personal well of empathy. It demands that I focus on less so that I can have more quality within my focus. Life is hard! But I also feel that life is beautiful!
Sometimes life is ironic. It’s often cruel, and heartless and cruel. I am not talking about the noisy vectors of opinion, perception or anything outside of the present. I really like a phrase that Eddie Pinero used to describe:
The present: the space that lives between two fairytales known as ‘the past’ and ‘the future’
When I heard this peculiar phrase, I kind of glanced over it. As I listened to the presentation a bit more it kept echoing ion my mind. The present equates to reality. The past equates to many things often more around the stories I tell myself more so than the realities and facts that just ‘were’. The future hasn’t yet arrived and as much as I can plan, or anticipate or hope, it isn’t here yet. So, there it is the present, that sits in a reality between two spaces or fairytales, as described in this instance.
I really have turned within and focused on me. in my Transformation Tuesday story (original and follow up). Looking back I don’t know that I captured these thoughts in the posts. But I think I want to start this story here with a memory from another post – but I will share the story in full here:
From Brian Dyson’s September 1996 comments at the Georgia Institute of Technology 172nd Commencement Address (he was then President and CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises) have become legendary for the succinct and powerful advice condensed into it. Now is a great time of year to ponder — and act on — his profound words:
“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them — work, family, health, friends and spirit … and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls — family, health, friends, and spirit — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How? -- Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. -- Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. -- Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. -- Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life. -- Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. -- Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together. -- Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. -- Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings! -- Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going. -- Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. -- Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. -- Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”
This 5 balls story didn’t really resonate with me until I started to turn within and focus on me and the things I needed to improve. I recall sitting on a plane (post where I first wrote this)
I still recall sitting on the plane. I was numb. I had just spent the better part of a month with Liz and Dennis in Strasbourg, France. I was nowhere near fit and my health was slipping. Thank heavens she didn’t give up on me. I had that ‘aha’ moment. I knew I needed a reboot. I realized how numb I was and needed to change. I’m grateful to have had the wrong turn on the 50-mile gran-Fondo ride that turned into a century. That left turn invigorated me to know that I could do something beyond me with the correct focus and discipline. I am grateful Liz afforded her patience in that mistake. Anyway, point being – I am often my most limiting critic. I am often the governor that keeps me back.
So the above quote from Maya really took route with me. I was not truly doing my best at that time. I had slipped, pretty far down on the slippery slope of ‘Wo is me’ into apathy. I wanted others to carry my bags. During travel I got so enamored with status and what’s in it for me. The irony of growth and empathy is often because of real experiences in my past, it isn’t hypocrisy more recognition of how measurably off of better I am. The next step in the process is then ‘Acta non Verba’. What actions may I take to do better. Change for change sake may be seen by others as courageous, moronic, valued or absurd. I am learning more and more, once I identify a need for change, I can shape and control that change using lessons learned from pas failures, aspirations and successes. I can steer the value added from the things I can control and determine how to ultimately do better. I mean looking back – I knew EVERYTHING! How foolishly stubborn and naïve I was.
Do better! To do is an action. It is not merely an intellectual exercise, this is where the rubber from the proverbial metaphor hits the road. It moves from words to actions. I have to be vulnerable, be seen, I have to do. I shared two posts on linked in recently where I expose those things:
I guess what I am trying to convey, regardless of worldview, please be a doer too. Don’t just get stuck talking and not doin. An example I came across today that illustrates this:
The hardest part is also receiving those buckets from another’s hand. What I mean to say is Empathy is where courage of value most often begins. The shared thought demonstrates empathy in action
“Acta non verba”
It tries to illustrate moving to action and not just getting stuck in intellectualizing. And so I try to do more and talk less. It’s hard because often, I have plenty to say when I encounter narrow worldviews. And not just say. but rather share context about what I have found through practice. I am grateful to have the opportunity to practice in triathlon activities and as a father in our nuclear family unit. I am imperfect and as I learn I turn from striving to doing and as I learn more I adapt and modify along the way.
I have come to observe within myself that I am my biggest critic and my biggest fan (see post here) and it can be messy. Those closest to me, can demonstrate with evidence my imperfections, but also generally share that my process of striving for intrinsic improvement is real. I find that it is often difficult, full of challenges and trials I didn’t create nor ask for, but have to find a way to resilient. I strive to be my best elf, and admittedly at times my monsters come out in full force.
One of the biggest things I find that helps me stay above water is gratitude. Not the simple thank you’s. But getting myself alone – the pool is a great place – and go deep and just think. Wade through the noise. Discard the filters and check in with myself. Speak to myself as if I was befriending myself. Now I haven’t read Matthew McCaughnhey’s book Greenlights yet – I’m still working through Dave Grohl’s Storyteller. But I am aware of the notion of determining which opportunities to take or not and how they present Greenlights or opportunities after each decision point. These Greenlights can shape and provide me control of self. Sometimes, fewer or more options occur. Throughout my life – I have been quite privileged to have many choices that resemble good and good, or good and better and sometimes better and best. In self analysis and trying to elect what’s best – I have my family to consider and sometimes that puts me in Shotgun! All choices have consequences, and I sometimes cannot control that a choice presents, but I can choose to control how to interact between stimulus and response.
Recent Triathlon training activities.
I am starting to periodize different loads. One week its cycling and one week its running. Swimming is ever present except life has gotten in the way a lot and I have been focused on quality runs and rides. I have been using the strollers wherever I can and include my 7, 4 and 2 year olds. My indoor trainer rides have been solid, a few moments facing cramps and I re-introduced Magnesium in my supplements toolbox. Now to keep on going. I really like this clip from Matthew McConaughey where somneone mashed up his acceptance speech with a few clips from an interview about his book Greenlights. The second half for me is where the dessert is. Give it a watch here:
