PodCast Notes
In this conversation, Benj opens up to Ryan about the mental and physical toll of life on the road, lessons learned from O.A.R.’s 30 years together, and how The Obstacle is the Way transformed his mindset during the darkest chapter of his life.
You can follow Benj on Instagram @BenjGershman and OAR @OfARevolution
Check out Benj’s podcast all about mental health support called What Could Be Bad
Podcast drove me to these thoughts
Well, this podcast conversation – I could have shared many things that this conversation holds. To know or glimpse me, listen in. If you are a TLDR type, that’s not a me problem. I have come to learn through observation and informative interactions, that I can only supply information – I can’t want another person into that area otherwise I would be going against this quote by Oscar Wilde:
“Living the way you want is not selfish. Selfishness is expecting others to live the way you want.”
Ryan Holiday thank you so much for this podcast episode.
Blogpost and journaling thoughts
First of all, this listen happened on the eve of Solstice. And here are some thoughts for that first. You can use these affirmations in meditation, journaling, or as part of a solstice ritual to set intentions for the coming year or to be mindful and intentional however you level set and reflect and move forward from this present moment – now!
- Reflection and Release
- I release what no longer serves me and make space for growth.
- I honor the lessons of the past year and carry them with gratitude:
- I let go of fear and embrace the peace of this still moment.
- Welcoming the Light
- I welcome the returning light and its guidance for the year ahead
- As the days grow longer, so does my hope and inspiration
- I am open to new beginnings and the opportunities they bring
- Inner Strength and Renewal
- I nurture the light within me, even in the darkest times.
- I am resilient, grounded, and ready to grow
- Like the Earth, I am in harmony with cycles of rest and renewal.
- Connection with Nature
- I align myself with the rhythm of nature and trust its wisdom.
- I honor the quiet beauty of winter and find stillness within.
- I am deeply connected to the Earth and its changing seasons.
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
Haruki Murakami
Some thoughts to drive this post
Norwegian Idiom
Up and not crying” is a Norwegian idiom that means a day is great, even if it’s not perfect. The phrase is oppe og ikke gråter in Norwegian, and it’s used as a response to the morning greeting, “how are you?”. The meaning of the phrase is that things aren’t great, but not terrible either, and you’re getting on with life.
Topher KEarby thought
Happiness is not a destination or a goal to be checked off. It is learning to be present during the thousand everyday moments that often pass us by. A good life is happening all around us if we learn to stop and pay attention.
A fun story about Neurodiversity Adaptations
Often while driving we have tried the “ole find the alphabet letter” A – Z on signs and/or cars game. It was absolute madness and dysregulation hell. So on a whim, I screamed in my most parenting loving voice – who can find the letter F? Completely unaware of what rabbit hole i just jumped into! I wonder where my mind was? Yup, the most tactile word – no joke – 1 pdaer, 1 autistic and 1 adhd-er all seeking for that letter, then the letter U, then the next was C! I pivoted there. One letter at a time, randomized, all the way thru the alphabet. A half hour gone on the way to parks and grandmas during thanksgiving witching hours. I share this because it was breaking things down. It’s often just too big, so the chunk the kiddos need is a small walk. Seeking for berries, or grasses, or rocks, or bugs, finding foolish little things for 2 -3 minutes at a time with plenty of pivots. It does take a bit of novelty and effort to tear away the scaffolding – instead of the persistent chasing of the epic.
Ernest Hemingway once said:
In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.
Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It’s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.
This is often called ‘sitting in the mud’. Many want to move to advice or instruction without consent or context. While sitting in the mud, the observation required to gather information is most often acquired – something many have already done but are just ‘stuck’. In the adrenaline F-responses this is known as freeze, or paralysis.
Another Adventure in NeuroDiversity
Recently, I had the opportunity to accompany my 1st grader on a class field trip. First, the principle teach is amazing and also over tasked, and it’s a brilliant privilege to see her work wonders with the kiddos. Some observations, when you go to more than one field trip, many of the kiddos focus on on you. The teachers are overwhelmed with our kiddos and still find ways to be amazing. Walking around the city and using the city busses IS NOT for everyone, and many of these kiddos don’t need heavy handed authoritarianism as a method of correction, encouragement, coping skills cultivation or other. They just need reassurance and to be heard – being a 6 year old among 23 other peers can be disheartening.
Our local firefighters are quite awesome! People don’t know what to say when I prefer being with these kiddos as opposed to managing other adults in my professional engagements – some of these little minds are so brilliant. Although I didn’t get to spend all my time with my daughter, observing her little interests and many of the things she just can’t do at home, today I observed why and just how engaged in doing many correct things at school. Being careful with my words – but there were 23 little kiddos. Of those I interacted with about 18. Of those 18 about a dozen are for sure some form of disrupted neuro type with plenty of dysregulation. It was a fun day with lots of interactions and walking and busses and adventures!
“Up and not crying” is a Norwegian idiom that means a day is great, even if it’s not perfect. The phrase is oppe og ikke gråter in Norwegian, and it’s used as a response to the morning greeting, “how are you?”. The meaning of the phrase is that things aren’t great, but not terrible either, and you’re getting on with life.
Old Way Thoughts & Traditions
Some lessons learned from the years
A few years back I came across a concept known as narcissistic injury while reading Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. One of the most difficult notions in a journey of reasonable self scrutiny is properly setting expectations. A phrase I encountered in approx 2014 –
Unrealistic expectations are just future resentments!
Self discipline is very iterative. It’s not a single event. It’s not just one data point. It’s not the good-ole days, even though it may have been a most excellent event or a combined set of memories. It changes and recalibrates and moves a lot. It demands and requires ongoing and persistent interactions and refinements through disciplined and mistakes of experience. It starts from the inside (self) and involves self reflection and removing masks and so much more.
It is my observation that misguided and malformed expectations often shape narcissism and other difficult dispositions – sure environment and shaping have a role too. Further, lack of self realization and personal accountability only hurts oneself and claiming injury only substantiates the lack of willful self discipline and effort required to grow.
In psychology, narcissistic injury, also known as narcissistic wound or wounded ego, is emotional trauma that overwhelms an individual’s defense mechanisms and devastates their pride and self-worth. In some cases, the shame or disgrace is so significant that the individual can never again truly feel good about who they are. This is sometimes referred to as a “narcissistic scar”.
“It’s when the earth shakes
C Harkin
And foundations crumble
That our light is called
To rise up.
It’s when everything falls away
And shakes us to the core
And awakens all
Of our hidden ghosts
That we dig deeper to find
Once inaccessible strength.
It’s in times when division is fierce
That we must reach for each other
And hold each other much
Much tighter.
Do not fall away now.
This is the time to rise.
Your light is being summoned.
Your integrity is being tested
That it may stand more tall.
Rise, and find the strength in your heart.
Rise, and find the strength in each other
Burn through your devastation,
Make it your fuel.
Bring forth your light.
Now is not the time
To be afraid of the dark.”
Alright, it is Christmas eve day and I think that is good for this thrown together set of jumbled thoughts for today. Maybe more later. I have to figure out how to migrate this and the other blogs to the new hosting plan and more over the next few days, too! Cheers!
“The Raven’s Yule”
“The Raven’s Yule”
Upon a night of frosted gray,
A shadow came to bar my way.
A raven black, with eyes that bore
The weight of grief, of “Nevermore.”
“Why dost thou come?” I dared to say,
“To steal the light of Christmas Day?”
It croaked but once, a word of lore,
Its chilling whisper: “Nevermore.”
The fire waned, the candles died,
As silence pressed, and hope denied.
Yet still I find, through winter’s roar,
A haunting truth in “Nevermore.”
