Introspective reflections of mine

Noise between my own ears

Primary, secondary, tertiary, quaternary—my dyslexic brain seems to live in all these layers of impact simultaneously. Navigating them can feel like a whirlwind: spicy, chaotic, and full of missteps. One of the toughest parts of practicing honest self-reflection is facing the feedback my actions provoke. It’s not always easy, but it’s always revealing.

Firstly—I’m acutely aware of my mistakes. I’m my own toughest critic, and I often struggle to extend myself the same grace I’d offer others. Being my biggest fan doesn’t come easily. When I stay in my head and avoid action, I miss out on the kind of feedback that could guide or encourage me forward. Without that external input—often critical, but necessary—I lose the chance to recalibrate and retool.

I actively choose a path driven by kindness and few absolutes. This allows me to freely encounter many worldviews – selecting the best from all sources engendering enrichment and enlightenment. I am intimately aware of who I am, who I am no longer , and I am persistently seeking who I may become! While I do believe in a deity that may prefer a path different than my choosing, I also believe that a human’s understanding of that path is fueled merely by faith and perception and often little by fact or truth.

I will say this.  I want to believe there is deity and perhaps more than One!  *gasp*  I even believe that there may be a form of preference from deity(s) – or maybe it should be framed as a preferred pathway back – universal law and wisdom demonstrates this example similar to us as parents providing models to our kiddos but – this drive or preference – is selfishly driven from their experiential wisdom and lessons learned.  I can choose to be informed from their experience or by my own hard knocks against the pathway to experiential wisdom.

This is a pattern we offer to my kiddos, and I get glimpses of chagrin when I see them going though what I perceive as backwards!  It is my observation, that we are individually and collectively faced with too much intellectualism and analysis paralysis – you know the indecisive squirrels.   The trouble is though – my Modus Operandi is taking action – feedback then comes as encouragement, or perhaps a need to recalibrate, and/or a need to refine or even sometimes critical correction.  The pervasive positivity only model with no attention to negativity has slowly disrupted accountability of any actor.

It is my hope that we can individually and collectively lean into kindness and validation first, letting and allowing for cruelty to be delivered thru natural and not human driven consequence or preference (aka ego)!