Neurodiversity is important to me

I shared the original post above – “It’s Not Too Late to Tell Your Child”—a reflection on the pressures that come with holiday-centered traditions. These moments, while often well-intentioned, can lose sight of their original meaning. For many, especially those who are Neurodivergent (ND), these traditions can amplify stress, create unrealistic expectations, and lead to dysregulation—not just for kids, but for their caregivers too.

I wanted to build on those thoughts and share a few affirmations and insights that have helped me better understand and support neurodivergent experiences:

• “Can’t, not won’t.”
  A gentle reminder that what looks like defiance may actually be a struggle with capacity, not willingness.
• “Different, not less.”
  A powerful phrase that challenges the deficit-based lens often applied to neurodivergence.
• “Fight or flight are just the beginning.”
  The body’s stress responses are complex, and for ND individuals, they can be more nuanced and easily triggered.

There are countless neurotypes out there, each with its own rhythm and reality. Unfortunately, many are still misunderstood due to outdated or oversimplified stereotypes. Take the film Rain Man, for example—it brought autism into public awareness, but it also cemented a narrow and often misleading portrayal of what autism looks like.

In my own deep dive, I stumbled upon something that truly shocked me: the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders)—a cornerstone of mental health diagnosis—has historical ties to eugenics. I couldn’t believe it at first, but the research was well-cited and eye-opening. If you’re curious, here’s the dissertation I found: ETSU Thesis on DSM and Eugenics (click the download button for the full content). I’ve also saved a PDF copy in case the link ever goes stale.

As we move through this season, let’s remember to hold space for the full spectrum of human experience—especially the ones that don’t always fit neatly into tradition. And let’s keep telling our inner child (and our actual children): You are enough, just as you are.– http://dc.etsu.edu/etd/3781/ (then locate the download button for the content).

Of Note – I also have the PDF downloaded from the original source in case this link goes stale.

Understanding Me: A Note on Neurodivergence and Dyslexia

First things first: I’m dyslexic. That means I’m also neurodivergent—and I’m pretty open about it. Some time ago, I came across a video that felt like it was describing me perfectly. It touched on things like my tendency to overuse ellipses… to leave thoughts half-finished… and to make zany, yet meaningful, cross-topic connections. It was oddly comforting to see those traits reflected back at me.

I often experience what’s called transference—seeing patterns and connections across seemingly unrelated topics, especially in business and systems thinking. It’s a gift I both love and wrestle with. It helps me move quickly through ideas, but it can also be overwhelming.

Reading, for me, has a threshold. After a certain point, it becomes difficult to process, so I appreciate having time to synthesize information at my own pace. That’s one of the reasons I value remote work so much—it gives me the space to work in ways that align with how my brain functions best. As an EdTech consultant, that flexibility is everything.

If you’re curious to understand more about how my brain works, I invite you to watch the video I mentioned. It might help you see where I’m coming from—or maybe it won’t. Either way, thanks for being here and for reading this far.

Neurodivergence Runs Deep in Our Family

Second, our family is a vibrant mix of neurodivergent brilliance—ADHD, Autism, and more show up in our kiddos in unique and powerful ways. Liz and I like to joke that we hit the genetic lottery here!

While parenting approaches—whether gentle, authoritative, low-demand, or even trauma-informed—can certainly influence how behaviors are shaped or managed, it’s important to remember this: neurodivergence is not caused by parenting. The neurological and biological wiring of our kids (and adults) was set long before any parenting style ever came into play.

Behavioral strategies can help support and guide, but they don’t rewrite the core neurotype. Whether a child is thriving or struggling, it’s not a reflection of “perfect” or “imperfect” parenting—it’s a reflection of how we’re learning to support brains that are wired differently.

Kiddos and adults alike seek and crave similar basic needs :

• Safety/Security
• Validation and acknowledgement
• Stability
• Consistency
• Emotional Support
• Love
• Education
• Positive role models
• Structure

More thoughts and Resources

Recently, I created (https://happyinthehills.com/zentriathlete/pda/), a page for a quick reminder or explanation or introduction to and emergent profile of Autism that is important to us. it is known as Pathological Demand Avoidance. I created this to supplement the emerging resources that are found outside the USA and those within the USA. It includes dome highlights like:

• What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA?
• Why do Humans with PDA resist doing things on demand?
• Why is it important to Approach Folks Differently if they have PDA?
• The 7 F-type Adrenaline responses
• A Polyvagal Chart