Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6.1–2
“It is easy to praise providence for anything that may happen if you have two qualities: a complete view of what has actually happened in each instance and a sense of gratitude. Without gratitude what is the point of seeing, and without seeing what is the object of gratitude?”
Thanksgiving
It was last year, I was asked why not Thanksgiving – well to honest Thanksgiving – The true, dark history of Thanksgiving. However, I like to concentrate on being grateful. Part of that expression of being grateful comes through action. I was speaking to my wife a bit earlier tonight and I made mention of how we often find ourselves taking folks in. Not because of what we necessarily have to offer, rather, because of what we have been through and know of the grace we needed in making it to where we are. My previous thoughts on Why Not Thanksgiving! It is in that vein that we offer hands in action to help those in scenarios that require support. It doesn’t mean we or they are better off, rather life is a bit muddy and we choose to sit with them for a season in the mud.
It’s so interesting how many things are claimed as truths, but really they are mere stories we have infatuated our inner selves around various events. It is my observation the further away we are from the event, the less concrete the realities of the event become, also.
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you”
–Friedrich Nietzsche —
Be Kind, Not a Douchebag!
Dave Matthews Band Lyrics
Seek Up! The lyrics of this song have been haunting my mind for the last little bit and the first time I heard the set years ago, it blew me away. From the haunting sounds of “The Minarets” and the version of “Warehouse” and Tripping Billies – it’s just an excellent Album.
Another favorite of mine is the song Granny! I never knew this but apparently they only play this one live so recordings are not common, and this one is printed in this album. The storytelling helps me interpret and absorb messages. Maybe that is why I find the lyrics to Seek Up so meaningful:
Seek Up
Sometimes I feel like I’m falling
Fall back again, fall back again
Fall back again, fall back again
Oh, life it seems a struggle between
What we see what we do
I’m not going to change my ways
Just to please you or appease you
Look at this crowd, six billion proud
Willing to punch it out
Right, wrong, weak, strong
Ashes to ashes all fall down
Look around about this round
About this merry-go-round and around
If at all God’s gaze upon us falls
It’s with a mischievous grin, look at him
Forget about the reasons and
The treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
Our emotions can be kept at bay
Forget about being guilty
We are innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away
Look at me in my fancy car
And my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down
Into my grave, I’d save
Take a look again, take a look again,
Take a look again
Everyday things change
Stay the same
Forget about the reasons and
The treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that your emotions can be
Wept away, kept at bay
Forget about being guilty, I am innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away
You seek up an emotion
And our cup is overflowing
You seek up an emotion
Sometimes your well is dry
You seek up a big monster
For him to fight your wars for you
But when he finds his way to you
The devil’s not going
Say, oh say
Late at night with TV’s hungry child
His belly swells
Oh, for a price of a coke or a smoke
I could keep alive those hungy eyes
Take a look again, take a look again
Take a look again
Every day things change
But basically you and me stay the same
Forget about the reasons and
The treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
Our emotions can be kept at bay
Intentions are not wicked
Don’t be tricked into thinking so
Soon we will all find our lives swept away
You seek up an emotion
And our cup is overflowing
You seek up an emotion
Sometimes your well is dry
You seek up a big monster
For him to fight your wars for you
But when he finds his way to you
The devil’s not going
Fall back again, fall back again
Fall back again
Granny
Hello how are you doin’ today?
I hope I find you feeling healthy
I’m so glad our paths crossed this time today
On our way into the night
I say its love, its hidin’ deep, deep down inside us all
So maybe, we should lift it up above from deep inside
But love, it’s not so tough and you come admit it too
Baby, your heart into a thousand pieces dashed
Stop, only the old and wise, with clouded eyes
You can’t see what I can, ’cause I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next pretty girl to come my way
Here we are all of us stand around
We’re leaning heavy on each other
Always wondering what is it lies behind
The worried eyes of one another
I believe it’s love, it’s hidin’ there, in the shadows in the darkness
Maybe we’ll shed a little light and it will shine
Oh love, when I approach, my tears they fall like rain
‘Cause you know
Baby, my heart’s into a thousand pieces dashed
Stop, only the old and wise, with clouded eyes
You can’t see what I can, ’cause I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing to come my way
I say it’s love, so share it out, share it fair, but share it liberal
Maybe our thing’s a better world than it could be love
But love, when I approach, the tears they fall like rain
You tell me
Baby, your heart’s into a thousand pieces dashed
Stop, only the old and wise, with clouded eyes
You can’t see what I can, I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing to come my way
So the lyrics from Seek Up are quite important. It’s weird to think how relevant these lyrics are vis-a-vis the theatres of the world stage. It’s a dance of one playing through perception and ego and ultimately how to navigate a journey of reasonable self scrutiny – but few are listening. The more I “seek up” – and I don’t know how to define up – other than beyond me. I find myself in a battle of self awareness. Yesterday i was frustrated. While often misunderstood an perceived as synonymous, being a “Stoic” does not mean completely suppressing emotions; instead, as a stoic it means that I emphasize managing and understanding my emotions rather than simply pushing them down. Further, it encourages me to acknowledge my feelings while not letting them control my actions or judgment.
“Objective judgment, now, at this very moment. Unselfish action, now, at this very moment. Willing acceptance— now, at this very moment— of all external events. That’s all you need.”
Marcus Aurelius
Current wanderings of my headspace
Interesting thoughts:
“In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.
Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It’s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.”
Ernest Hemingway
This is often called ‘sitting in the mud’. Many want to move to advice or instruction without consent or context. While sitting in the mud, the observation required to gather information is most often acquired – something many have already done but are just ‘stuck’. In the adrenaline “F” responses this is known as freeze or paralysis.
“Living the way you want is not selfish. Selfishness is expecting others to live the way you want.”
— Oscar Wilde —
I also listened back to this podcast by Ryan Holiday via his Daily Dad podcast. The reason I went back to listen was thinking about how folks that interact with Autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance. You can find this sourced via Ryan Holiday at: https://dailydad.com/watch-what-happens/ . It is such a worthwhile conversational podcast on simple parenting topics. So many folks outside of Neurodivergence look in from their personal “Carousels of Comfort” without context or reading a parent’s investment in their offspring and begin lending advice, instruction or otherwise without Observation and Information – just perception they bring that may but by unfortunate observation – just doesn’t align with the value or efforts of the primary caregivers.
So be kind! The truth and the world is cruel enough by itself. Unfortunately – happiness has a quid pro quo relationship – It (happiness) always wants more. This has bothered me. Joy on the other hand, it just is. So when I intersect with joy, I am learning to just sit in it. Example – when we have gone to Disney over the last 2 years – the elements and experiences before and after have been happy but often difficult – for our kids and for us trying to understand after years of frugality of – “did we do the right thing”? Looking back at videos from the trips, It is undeniable to witness the joy each of my kids and my spouse and my parents encountered each day in different ways. So, let there be joy, let it enhance the weightiest elements of each journey.
Another example, my fellow Ironman and ultra friends will understand – the reason we do long course endurance sports isn’t because of love or some untenable difficulty. Rather, it’s those moments of realization as we near that line of the finish at the event where we express our fitness – often times for no one other person than one’s self – it isn’t something selfish, nay it’s just something we know we have to do to empower ourselves the permission to bring another joy, in my case Liz Livingston and my kiddos.
How grateful I am to recognize joy because I have encountered plenty absences of joy. May we all find more joy – and be kind. The douchebaggery is so passé and it looks good on no one.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.’
– Marcus Aurelius
One last podcast plug
Don’t forget what got me into my blog, triathlon. And little is better than listening to two friends circling the topic of gratitude and triathlon and its intersections with life! Coach Robbie and Mike were on point during episode 817!
