Checkin’ IN!!!
So a dear friends wife posted a provocative question, actually two on FB and I wanted to share my thoughts and response. I PM’d her directly and I share the same thing. What you will read below are my thoughts, they are mine. They are still in flight and going through the process that I go through. That being said, this is a fluid discussion and iterative in my thought process. Often times when i am training I have some internal thing I am working through. Many folks use music or other things, I find when I am training, it is then that I have the best access to work through things. It keeps me in the moment and in tune. IT helps me refine, re-calibrate, focus in ways that allow me to be aware of my breathing and in tune with my body. Sometimes I solve them, many times I find the following quote to be proved true:
“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”
~~Sir Francis Bacon
But what were the questions?
A glimpse into my headspace on a current event and quite volatile topic
Do you think this pandemic has changed social graces? What and Why?
AND
So my next question is how do we Make a change?
How do you change it? Well, first – admission of the issue is a vital component. It is an interesting set of questions and responses.
In my line of work, I represent and work for a global company. So, my points of view come from a different scale and point of view. I am also highly compensated and my billable is based on my evidence-based findings and the added value of my synthesis of findings and rendered option and recommendations. I do not take your questions lightly.
First, we as a family determined to look inward first. We determined to be mindful, disciplined, diligent and tolerant. So, as a family we determined to control what we can, our primary proactive/reactive reactions. I continually witness folks I once admired crumble under this current and fluid crucible. Beyond that, we work one interaction and one person at a time like the quote I shared here.
In Utah it is a mixed bag. Social graces were long gone prior to the pandemic. This transcends faith-based constructs and culture.
Outside of Utah the reactions are very mixed. In locations where folks are directly affected by the realities of this unsolved and acute and at times destructive virus, their social graces are heightened out of necessity. This is contrasted by others that have no engagement and this virus is unreal, it is fake, a hoax or created by a binary party political system (really now, have we dissociated ourselves so much that we are that self-absorbed and out of touch?) unfortunately the answer is often yes especially in Utah.
Internationally is where I have observed the most notable changes. What I cannot discern is this because of 1st world or other proprieties.
What I have truly noticed is how present or not folks are. Like your friend shared – the eyes are often the key. Smiles are often facades and lessons learned long ago while falling in love with the French culture – smiles are earned not freely and disingenuously given . I have witnessed great acts of awareness, authentic kindness and the opposite and quite egregious and selfish engagements.
To be change agents, I must first engage directly with those I directly encounter and interact with – a person who invades my 6 feet personal space to be within inches, to a person who doesn’t identify they need support (not necessarily help) while reaching for a grocery item beyond their grasp but is easy for me to grab. I often find that unsolicited or free advice is often perceived as disingenuous, quite discardable, and unwelcomed. For every layer of trust that is developed, confidence often follows and those I am interacting with – it is then, I feel I need to demonstrate that I was able to do it. Not by being a douche-bag and dehumanizing the person first, rather I first determine how much change I need also. In fact, that primary acceptance is critical for ME – this is often where empowerment and enablement gains momentum and fuels effectual change. I am finding that as I work on me first, then I can assertively persuade others to be persuaded to follow as well. I also find that change at any level is change and hopefully it is I both durable and worthwhile.
I think what I observe most is stress. I also sense many assume first, without heralding an open heart toward the person or group they wish to change. This often compromises the integrity of the other(s) agency to freely choose. Of note, I rarely see Deity compromise agency, but we mortal humans almost ALWAYS demand it. Folks do not know how to handle stress! Folks think they can compartmentalize it. We as humans cannot! Stress is stress is stress! Personal, family, work, political, environmental, health. It is all just stress to the human body and mind. Its accumulation is what we mis-manage most! We must learn to absorb it, process it, acknowledge it and either let it go or be actionable and manage our own intentions and expectations. I find as I do that, I have room to entertain change, most are so busy that while they are parroting for this or that, they don’t stop and look in the ‘accountability mirror’ to see they have become exactly what they are demonizing and often forget about self-ignoring this critical element of growth.
Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word
Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally
Agreement 3: Don’t Make Assumptions
Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best
So, keep it small, be genuine, one action, one interaction, one person at a time, that is how I approach change and pains associated in the growth process. Otherwise we lose sight of things as we move from ideology or philosophy to execution. I find it is when we begin to execute, that is where the contention or persuasion has most effect.
What I find most disheartening and hopeful, there is no one singular magic pill of sorts, it’s truly a matter of being selfish (working on self) so that we can be selfless – and it’s iterative, meaning, the change of today may require further tuning and adaptation after I think I got it right. I also must accept others may not be willing, nor ready or care about change and growth. Oft times, until another gleans their own wisdom by facing their own personal crucibles, change and growth isn’t available to that person or group – because they haven’t conditioned their personal ‘soil’ to be able to endure the challenges and pains associated with growth.
I have been chewing on thoughts like this since January, and thru March Friday the 13th when I came home from Long Beach sick. I do not know if I had it, as I have not been tested (covid 19), but I see it like this. If I wear Jesus jammies (garments – longer story) I can wear a 6-inch mask to protect others. It is the least I can do. – so there you go, hopefully not too overbearing nor offensive.
Training
So when life and training intersect thats where the magic of life happens, right? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
And so it is, my workouts are coming back. Each time since Lucas was born, a new sidebar comes to the forefront and steals my opportunities a bit. Mostly they are family needs and priorities. So this applies:
I love the consequences but there are times of suck. For example, since the last 4-5 weeks, Liz hands Lucas off to me around 5 in the morning. Work responsibilities have ramped up a lot lately – to be honest, I think folks have discovered I can accomplish more in less time than other colleagues, so more tasks come with dwindling and finite resources being strained. So that has been a bit rough. Oft-times I can defend against it, but I am involved in a couple critical customers in our business unit fighting fires and defining the future. What’s more, I have customers from the EST time zone to PST. I am starting some mornings at 7 am in MST and some days ending pass 6 PM MST. Something I rarely do. Time to shut that down.
I have been swimming most Saturdays for a few weeks. I want to know where i can find my swim fitness. I am finding my feel again. I had a good OWS during a family outing with my Bonus Mom and her daughter. We went to Porcupine. I decide to swim sans wetsuit. Well. It was Father/mother COLD! It took me about 5 minutes post swim to come out of being horizontal and getting the blood flow back into my shivering head. I used a pull buoy and both April and then Liz followed me. liz slipped into Coach Liz mode asking why I don’t use my legs. I gave her the PB and swam, and she insisted I take the PB back. Thanks hun, that bad eh? No really, I think she came to see that there are varied approaches. I don’t often use my legs. Where it was cold, I only flutter kicked from time to time witht he PB. It wasn’t my best swim but it was solid, controlled and I concentrated on sighting and using the kayak to keep me straight.
Running, well I have been going wasy there. Dennis and i ran one night and to end it off I gave him the opportunity to have a reward. Of course after the first 4 miles he just destroyed me ont he last bit. It was interesting to hear his headspace. He recently began running for his High School Cross Country team RHS. He said a few times during our run,
Dad you do iron-mans and you can just beat me without even trying!
Maybe true the week of an event, but I can beat him in long distance and endurance, but he can dust me in 5k’s and 10 K distance without even trying, but he has in his mind, limited himself. he hasn’t come to learn that he owns his mind and can will his body using a calloused mind. He mentioned the other day he ran through his phantom ‘aches’ and they just went away and he enjoyed his run. In his two events he has been dead last compared to everyone else. Compared to himself, he is cutting minutes off his time. One day maybe, he will see what me and his mother see. I hope he has fun first, and then can use the discipline and diligence earned and forged in daily running with Don, Heather and Mary to drive him to be able to complete great things for him. Maybe along the way he’ll find the confidence we know he has and come to understand that we do truly love him and just want him to find things he is passionate about. And to help out around home and family needs without explosions!!!
So I tend to say stress is stress is stress. That we cannot as humans compartmentalize it despite our best efforts. I often still fall prey to this and lose my proverbial turds from time to time. I am a million times better than where I was in a mindless and numbed state. However, there are times especially with the intersection of family needs, work, training and many other factors it just goes a tad bit nuclear.
That’s why I keep this blog. So I can catharsis out my needs, many in a high level focus of training related and head-space approaches. I have found as I have gone to a more cerebral approach, that I am better aligned with a strategy to stay as balanced and normalized and happy and seeking joy as possible. There are times it just sucks and it is OK.
A lot of uncertainty during unprecedented times. A lot of noise, and for some it is a lot to bear as our children, the little humans from our loins (and at time they truly are crotch-goblins), are returning to school in its many formats (home-centered and state supported – aka distance delivery models, in-person, and many other formats, etc). From what I observe teachers and children want to re-unite and hopefully that normalcy will soon return.
As with any opportunity for growth, change is hard, change hurts and it often requires quiet introspection and discipline and more importantly tolerance for others. Hoping we don’t as human implode along the way.
As mentioned, I have a boy excited to start high school and he is running cross country – he secretly he LOVES it but won’t tell mom or dad that (at least directly but we can see the small changes and growth), so thank you to his peer runners and great coaching crew at RHS.
I have a ready-to-go-kindergartner that is beaming to thrive and ready to just learn at CCID. She is excited for her neighborhood friend to be beside her this first year, too! Her inner joy is so contagious and hopefully doesn’t become too corrupted as we let her grow!
I have a pre-K that goes through compulsory testing tomorrow. What she can’t directly communicate, she makes up with fire and ice and an infectious fervor to experience this human thing called life.
With each, Liz Livingston and I are doing our best to get out of their way and help them push forward and even, hopefully, to trail blaze into a future that Liz and I can’t begin to anticipate nor imagine. We hope it isn’t post apocalyptic and even more beautiful than what we have experienced ourselves to date.
Life is beautiful, it is hard, it sucks, it involves other humans and is often rife with complications with root causes deeply born in self, and other times from environmental factors that we can only jokingly assume to believe that we can control.
What we can control is our demeanor and our attitudes to how we deal with the events that come our way.
Lessons learned from this pandemic:
- Tuning our focus into the critical and needful things. Honing our attention spans to what leads to growth. Acknowledging that negativity and toxicity exists, but choosing not to engage with it or have active conversations with it.
- I don’t foolishly live in a world absent of maxims, because if I did I wouldn’t appreciate the joys without the deep and often dark pains of its opposite (hate).
- I have come to appreciate the past, holding an eye on the future, but being ‘STILL’ and being alive in the present. I am trying to squeeze everything out each moment as it presents itself to our nuclear family unit.
- few if any may understand my perspective, and that is ok, bc I will be tolerant and try to at a minimum respect their point of view and celebrate the friendship and camaraderie we enjoy more than philosophies and their often flawed dogmatic executions
- Appreciating what has been restricted, hoping that soon, will be more near than farther away due to decisions and actions of others that I cannot influence nor control, focusing on me and my nuclear family doing our part, best we can with the evidences and faith that we have earned, and hope we aren’t douche-bags about it along the way.
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”
~~Alan Cohen
Happy Saturday, I will race again, and I will grow! Cheers!
Activity Tracking and Stalking My Workouts –
Relevant Pics
Lucas sleeps for us, this is amazing!
Juniper and Daddy at ice cream night before school
I didn’t know this Zoot tag was even on the sleeve….say whaaaaaaat?
Glimpses of a simpler life
We’re cheese balls and we know it.
I do eat dad, see. RHS Freshman
What dad? what?
I love popsicles! and I am a cheese ball
bisous for daddy!
Come get a messy bisous daddy, i dare ya. I’m a sassy pants
Cheeseball!
Popsicle life is rough dad, I am popsicle daaaaaazed and confused!
Why do I do this, again?
Dennis first week at RHS XC. Tasting death, it’s real dad, it’s real!
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