Memory worth sharing
This post surfaced this memory of mine — There’s a certain irony in how grandparents often have a longer runway to “get it”—to understand and embody relational safety, connection, and validation. Broadly speaking, they’re less entangled in the immediate systemic and performative pressures that nuclear parents face. This isn’t universally true, but it’s a pattern worth noticing.
When we were preparing for foster care—another deep and complex journey—a moment in training stood out. A grandparent who also worked as a social worker shared a story that revealed his own awakening. After hearing a story in class, his adult son turned to him and said, “Dad, where was this version of you when I needed a parent?” The father responded with raw honesty: “Son, I was still just an a-hole who hadn’t yet learned that connection, safety, validation, and relationship come before everything else.”
His son replied, “Well, thanks for calling me an a-hole too,” with a laugh—but the moment was deeply revealing. It wasn’t just about humor. It was about the painful recognition of missed opportunities, and the courage to name what had been absent.
