If you need help – St;ll Here!

An important topic to me

If you need help – St;ll Here! #SuicideHotline 1-800-273-8255 or 988

I’m a bit frustrated at #teamworld today. So taking a different approach to the social media platform mindless Copy and Paste approach – because in my observation its effects are minimal , and that’s being generous!

Some context:

The week before my Ironman last year (October 24, 2022) I received a message from my friend’s brother. The message was not positive nor what I wanted to hear, but it was that my friend – who was my best man, a dear college friend, un-alived himself while in Laos. It got really messy and I feel that my friend’s family didn’t get to grieve b/c of the situation and difficulties associated with all the affairs around his passing etc.

Because of the difficulties, my friend’s family pumped the brakes and decided on an alternative path to celebrate my now late friend’s passing. So, I didn’t pull the plug on my event and participated while remembering, and respecting my friend’s life! Suicide sucks, but for my friend, it was the path he ultimately could control. It was the way to navigate his free will and opportunity to make choices. I don’t have to like the circumstances nor the outcomes of his choices, and I don’t have to pretend and pretend that it doesn’t suck. I miss a good dear friend! I was pleased the last 6 months, before this event, we were connecting more via electronic ways across the globe including some video chats, letting my kiddos say hi and he reaching out on my kiddos birthdays. Although conflicted and often the outcome seen was anger, I appreciated his heart and his endeavor to protect and provide a voice to those either unable to, or too afraid to due to whatever circumstances.

Now this is the hard part. I have a meme/slide/thought I share from Banks that goes — I would like to take some liberties and alter this a bit to my friend’s situation: “A lot of friends will do anything for their friends, except let them be themselves.”

Let that sink in. I don’t know for certain what his ‘best’ option was for him. But I do know in his mentally distressed state, he went for it and accomplished something so dire – and for me and those left behind it’s difficult, it’s hard, it sucks, but I also feel for him – it is/was right. What I do know through the years, is my friend was himself. It took him awhile to come around to whom he felt and determined he was.

I feel he felt that he was so many things for many others. So, finding himself was often too big a burden for him to bear (my personal observation). I also feel in his situation that this burden may have also ultimately lead him to his choices. I miss him! My wife misses him. I know his mother and brother and sister miss him, as do his nieces and nephews. My kiddos – especially my 17 yo, misses him too.

Like Chester sang in this song –

The reminders pull the floor from your feet   
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh   
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair   
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there

I wish it was simpler! I wish dualism was the way here and it was only right/wrong but there is a deep spectrum that carries so much more than observations can often see.

If you need help – St;ll Here!

#SuicideHotline 1-800-273-8255 or 988

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/resources/index.html – resources from CDC – USA

Andrew Huberman podcast

I also think this series by Andrew Huberman with with Dr. Paul Conti, M.D., a Stanford and Harvard-trained psychiatrist currently running a clinical practice, the Pacific Premiere Group. (This is episode 2 of a 4 part series):

I hope the phrase ‘you are enough’ resonates, and if not, please lean in – ;